


I hate you too

by TheGirlNoOneKnows5



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Family Issues, Fluff and Humor, Growing Up, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Hurt/Comfort, SKAM Big Bang, SKAM Big Bang 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25525219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlNoOneKnows5/pseuds/TheGirlNoOneKnows5
Summary: Isak has known Even Bech Næsheim all his life and he cannot stand him. When Even moves away one year, Isak actually misses him. And when he comes back years later all grown up and... hot, Isak hopes maybe this time they can manage to stop bickering long enough to actually become friends.Or, a childhood enemies to friends to lovers fic for the 2020 SKAM Big Bang!-Updates every 2 hours-
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 68
Kudos: 247
Collections: SKAM Big Bang 2020





	1. A lifelong rivalry

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I won't do anymore big bangs  
> Me every time another big bang challenge gets announced: How can I say no? 
> 
> Big thank you to the organizer for this lil' fandom event with everything happening in the world. And a huge thank you to my lovely partner, [Kim](https://www.instagram.com/kkhymmmm/?hl=en) the artist. Your drawings are adorable! <3

**1999**

Babies. 

'Precious little angels' whose musical laughter lit up every room. Chubby cheeks, tiny hands and feet. Everyone loved babies. 

Everyone except Even Bech Næsheim. 

Babies were loud. Their eyes were big and soulless. Their cries were ear-piercing. And worst of all; they took _all_ the attention. 

Even couldn't see what was so good about babies that made everyone obsessed with them. All they did was lie around and stare blankly. Even could count to four and bop up and down. He'd like to see a silly baby try _that_! 

Mamma was holding her friend's new smelly baby, fawning over him like he was made of magic. She was only supposed to look at _Even_ like that! 

"He looks just like you," she said to Mr. Valtersen in a dreamy voice. 

_No way_ , Even thought, crossing his arms over his chest. Mr. Valtersen had wavy blond hair and sparkly green eyes. That little demon taking all mamma's cuddles was probably ugly, ugly, _ugly_! 

"He's a handsome little guy, alright," pappa agreed, wiggling his fingers in front of that _thing's_ face. 

The creature let out a coo and everyone "awed". Even's blood boiled. They were supposed to be paying attention to him! The stupid baby didn't even do anything! 

Even balled his little hands into fists, determined to put a stop to this. Time to get things back to the way they were. When Even was the most important person in the room. He stomped over to mamma. _No one_ got cuddles from his mamma but _him_! 

Everyone looked up at Even when he arrived at the scene of the crime. Their smiles grew. _Good_. They still knew who was the real star. 

"Hey, buddy, do you want to see the baby?" pappa asked. That was the moment Even learned about betrayal. How could pappa be so cruel? _No_ , Even didn't want to see the baby, he wanted everyone to look at him the way they were looking at this stupid, ugly little- 

"Say hi to Isak." Mamma shifted the baby so Even could see his face. 

The moment they laid eyes on each other, Even was in love. In front of him was the sweetest, most angelic person he'd ever seen. His name was Isak and he was looking right at him. 

Even gasped. He reached out to caress baby Isak's cheek with his finger. Soft. Moved his finger higher to twirl the fine golden curls atop his head. Softer. 

"He has a lot of hair for a six month old," pappa said. 

"He did when he came out too," Mrs. Valtersen joked. 

Isak smiled at Even, melting his heart. _Wow_. Even smiled back, bright as he could. 

"Ooh, looks like someone's made a new friend." 

Maybe Even was wrong about babies being evi-

"Ouch!" 

The little demon was pulling on Even's nose! His wormy fingers gripped tightly onto his nose with one hand, and his hair with the other. Was he trying to pull his hair out of his head? Even didn't want to be bald! How dare Isak be so rough with Even when _he_ was nothing but gentle with him.

"Isak, you're hurting him," Mrs. Valtersen said, reaching over to free Even from the grip of death. He'd never been more grateful to anyone. 

Even rubbed his tingling face while Isak let out an evil giggle. He planned this all along! Tricked Even with his innocent act, luring him into his trap. If he had it his way, he would've yanked Even's nose right off. Pappa was the only one allowed to have Even's nose. He always gave it back. 

"Are you okay, bub?" mamma asked with a soft laugh. 

Even crossed his arms over his chest, giving her his best pout. "No!" 

Everyone laughed again, but Even didn’t know what was so funny. Didn't they realise that monster in their arms tried to kill him!? 

The baby made another stupid coo, getting all the attention right back on him. Leaving Even and his sore face forgotten. 

That was the beginning of the life long rivalry between Isak and Even. 

**2006**

Parents. 

Responsible adults who always knew best. Always looking out for their kids. Every kid in school adored their parents. 

Every kid except Isak Valtersen. 

_Why_ did they insist on spending so much time with the Bech Næsheims? It was bad enough they lived on the same street. Dinner once a month at each other's houses was insufferable. Well, Mari and Jan were always nice to him and their food was delicious. Their house was nice and Isak liked playing with their dog. The only problem was _him_. 

Even Bech Næsheim was without a doubt, the meanest, stupidest, most annoying big-headed jerk Isak had ever met. If the devil the priest always talked about at Sunday mass was real, Isak was sure he'd be a lot like Even. He would hide his toys away from him and beat him at PlayStation games. So Isak would tease him for being so lanky and lame. He had to know how weird his skinny legs looked. Isak was doing him a favour, really. If he didn't tell him, who else would? 

The thought of spending _another_ evening beside him while they pinched each other under the table and sneakily threw food at each other was unbearable. Isak shuddered when Even's stupid face came to mind. _Ew_.

"You ready to go?" mamma asked as she pulled her shoes on by the door. 

"Do we have to go?" 

Mamma reached over to ruffle Isak's hair the way everyone knew he didn't like. It made his hair all messy! He smoothed it down with a pout while mamma chuckled at him. _Devil woman._

"Yes, we have to go," she said. 

Isak threw his head back in agony. "Whyyyy?"

"Because they're expecting us and it would be rude not to go." 

Isak looked around for any excuse to be free of this terror. "But… can't I just stay here?" 

Mamma scooted around to sit in front of him. "No, love. You're too young." 

"But I'm not little anymore!" Isak had grown a lot since last year. He was seven now, why did mamma still treat him like a baby? It wasn't fair. 

Mamma planted a kiss on his forehead. "No, you're not. You're getting bigger everyday." Hope bubbled within Isak while mamma got to her feet. Had she finally come to her senses? "But you're still coming." 

Isak groaned loudly, hoping his complaints would echo through the whole house. Maybe pappa would be more fair than her. 

"This is something we do as a family, Isak," pappa said as he walked by them to slide on his shoes. "You're coming." 

Isak crossed his arms crankily. No one was on his side. "I don't wanna do things as a family." 

"Isak," pappa said sternly. In the voice he used when there was to be no more funny business. Isak knew all hope was lost. "You're coming and you're going to be nice. Let's go." 

Dinner ended up being the tastiest thing Isak ate all week. The Bech Næsheims really knew how to cook, that was for sure. Isak was almost glad he'd been forced here until Even started being Even. All Isak did was give him a little kick and Even flicked some peas at him. Peas! Isak _hated_ peas. He had no choice but to retaliate tenfold. 

Even ducked out of the way of the corn Isak flicked back at him. Before Isak could reload, Even flicked some mashed potato over. It landed on Isak's cheek. "Argh!" This meant war. 

Isak took a carrot off his plate. Poised it to throw at Even. Then when he was least expecting it, grabbed Even's shirt and slipped the carrot inside. 

Watching Even squirm about like a loser was great fun. Maybe Isak was glad he came after all. 

"Ahh, eww," Even whined while he struggled to pick the carrot out of his shirt. 

"Even. Isak." 

Both boys froze. Reluctantly looked at their parents down the end of the table guilty. They did not look happy. _Uh oh_. 

"You two," Mari said, pointing at them sternly. "Out. You can clean yourselves up and start the dishes." 

"But mum-"

"No arguing. If you can't behave, you're not sitting at the table." 

With a great sigh, Even slid off his chair. Isak poked his tongue out at him as he made his way to the kitchen. Served him right. 

"You too, Isak," pappa said. 

"Huh?" 

"You were misbehaving, too, so you can go help." 

Isak knew better than to argue when his dad looked at him like that. Heavy disappointment in his eyes. Isak slinked into the kitchen when he couldn't bear to look at it any longer. The shame was too great. 

In the kitchen, Even found the carrot and tossed it into the bin. He looked up at Isak. Shoulders slumped, brow furrowed. 

_I hate you, too_ , Isak thought. 

"That was your fault," Even said. 

Isak could not believe what he was hearing. The blatant lies, the utter disrespect. "No!" he spat back. _Take that_! "You threw food first." 

"After you kicked me." 

Right, that. It was only a little kick. What kind of crybaby held on to a little kick? "Well - whatever!" 

"Enough bickering and more washing," Mari called from the dining room. The woman was psychic. Could that be why Even was so weird? 

With a pathetic sigh, Even turned the tap on, filling the sink. Isak watched him with intrigue. At home, mamma only ever got him to help dry the dishes. He never had to actually wash them. He wouldn't know how. Isak tore his eyes away. He was _not_ impressed by anything Even did. He wasn't! So what Even was two years older than him? He was still a gigantic loser. 

Isak was cruelly torn away from his oh so important thoughts by a splash of water hitting his face. He glared at a laughing Even. "I hate you!" 

"I hate you more." 

One day, Isak would never have to see Even again. That would be the greatest day of his life. 

*********

Once upon a time, Isak and Even's parents hoped they'd be friends. For as long as both boys could remember, they hated each other's guts. Even was weird and annoying. Isak was an amazing genius. It was never going to work. 

No matter how many times their families got together, forcing them to hang out. It usually started out okay. Even was kind of okay at football, at least. As the day or evening dragged on, however, the boys got closer and closer to killing each other. That was how it went when you had an archenemy. 

At first, their parents thought it was funny. Cute, for some ungodly reason. Isak was not _cute_ , he was cool. Yet the longer their rivalry went on, the more their hatred grew, the tireder their parents became. 

This was always how it went. Their antics would get laughed off until they got in trouble. And it was _always_ Even's fault. Because he was the meanest dumb dumb in the world. 

And Isak hated him. 

"Oh, Isak, Even's such a nice boy," mamma would say. She didn't understand. Even fooled her into thinking he was a normal human being. His cousin Linn was fooled by him, too. Whenever they all came over, she was always happy to play with him. Only Isak knew the truth; Even was an asshole. Isak hoped mamma never found out he knew that word. Or the joyous vindication he felt every time he (correctly) thought of Even that way. 

Mark his words, Isak and Even were never going to be friends. 

**2008**

Jonas Vasquez was the coolest guy Isak knew. Aside from himself, of course. 

Never had Isak met another kid who naturally made him feel so at ease. Who exuded chill vibes the way Jonas did. How effortlessly cool he was by simply existing. He never even had to try. That made him even cooler. 

Isak liked everything about him. His beanies and his video games and his skateboard tricks. His mass of curly hair that made Isak want to cut his own hair shorter to be like his. Maybe he’d have curls like that. Isak was a little obsessed. 

They were at the skatepark, practising a new trick Jonas’s cousin showed them the other day. Keeping away from the territorial older kids. They were always trouble. More so than _Even_. It had been several weeks since Isak last saw that asshole. Several weeks of peace. And… boredom. Not because he _liked_ spending time with him. As if. Isak just kind of missed annoying him. That was all. 

“Dude, are you listening to me?”

Isak blinked blankly at his friend. “Um…” 

Jonas laughed at him. “You’re so spacey today. Where’d your brain go?” 

“Shut up!” Isak laughed with him. 

“Oi! Don’t you know girls aren’t allowed here?” one of the obnoxious older kids yelled from across the park. 

Isak’s vision went red. They were minding their own business in their own space, and this punk thought he’d be funny? Not on Isak’s watch. 

“C’mon, ignore him,” Jonas said, though Isak could see the annoyance in his eyes. 

“Hey! Didn’t you hear me?” the jerk called again. If he kept going, Isak didn’t know what he’d do. He was never good at controlling his temper. “I said this is a boys only skatepark. No _girls_ allowed.” The idiot’s idiot friends hooted with laughter over their idiocy. 

_Idiots._

“Why don’t you go play with your dollies,” idiot number two said. 

That was it. Isak squeezed his hands into fight fists, digging his nails into his palms. Clenched his jaw. Squared his shoulders. 

“Isak,” Jonas said, reading him easily. 

It was too late. There was only one way to deal with a bully. “Fuck off,” he spat at the group of hoons. 

Their infuriating cackling got louder and more obnoxious. “Big words for a little girl,” idiot number three said. “Does your mamma know you talk like that?” 

“I’m not a girl!” Isak screamed as he charged at the group. Tough as he was, Isak knew this wasn’t going to end well for him. They were outnumbered and as stupid as these assholes were, they had a few inches on both Isak and Jonas. Jonas who was right behind him, having his back as always. 

The first punch got him right in the gut. _Oof!_ At least he’d gotten in a few punches before that one landed. He coughed and sputtered about as he swung his arms around, not caring what he hit. Indeterminable shouting filled his ears. Isak was starting to regret going for it when idiot number one said, “That’s not very ladylike.” 

Isak let out an enraged roar and tackled him from the waist. They staggered backwards, wrestling while their bros cheered them on. 

“Hey!” a familiar voice yelled. 

Everyone looked up to see Even standing at the top of the skatepark with four of his friends. Linn was among them. And the coolest kid in the neighbourhood; Elias Bakkoush. For the life of him, Isak couldn’t figure out why Even had that many friends. Though he couldn’t deny the flutter of hope, the hint of relief in his gut when Isak’s eyes landed on Even. 

“Going after nine year olds?” Linn said in her ‘I’m better than you’ voice. “Not cool.” 

The idiot caught in Isak’s hold shook himself free. Straightened himself up, though it did nothing to fix his idiot look. “We were just-” 

“You don’t want me to tell your mummy about this, huh?” Even said to idiot number one. Isak guessed they knew each other somehow. Not surprising. Jerks attracted other jerks. That didn’t explain how someone as cool as Elias liked him. Or why Even was helping him now. 

Seeing the fear in idiot number one’s eyes made the bruises he was undoubtedly going to have worth it. “No!” 

Even raised a triumphant brow at the idiot. Isak usually hated seeing that look on him, but now it was something close to glorious. “Leave them alone.” 

“Okay, okay,” idiot number one said “We were just messing around.” 

“Aw, we don’t have to go, do we?” idiot number three whined. 

Idiot number one grabbed his other idiots by the arms and hurried away from the scene. “Just come on!” 

Isak and Jonas shared an amused look. Jonas’s hair was a mess, but he looked unharmed. That didn’t mean he wasn’t harmed. Isak suddenly felt like crap for dragging his friend into his stupid fight. 

“You guys okay?” Elias asked. Isak couldn’t believe he was talking to them. The group approached Isak and Jonas while they smoothed their ruffled clothes. 

Isak’s gut hurt like hell, but he’d be fine. He was tough. “Yeah.” He looked over to Even, locking eyes with him. Saw that familiar mischievous look of his. For the first time ever, Isak didn’t have the urge to punch it off his face. 

“Hey, I saw you doing a kickflip last week,” Elias said to Jonas. “You’re so good.” 

While the boys were distracted discussing skating techniques, Isak studied Even with a squinted stare. “...what?” Even laughed uncomfortably. 

“How come you helped me?” 

Even shrugged. “I’m the only one who’s allowed to make fun of you.” Even was good at making fun of Isak. Riling him up into a rage. But he’d never, not once called him a girl. 

Isak hated Even. Except for today. 

*********

Something terrible was happening. 

Lately Isak found himself not hating Even as much. It was unnatural. He still hated him, of course. How could he not? Everything about Even's stupid face with his stupid floppy hair and stupid sky blue eyes infuriated him. One look and Isak had to fight the urge to tackle him. 

But sometimes…

Sometimes Even revealed something about himself that made Isak realise they weren't polar opposites afterall. That maybe just maybe he wasn't a total loser. 

Like when Isak found Even's cool new Nintendo DS with the latest _Pokémon_ game and he let him have a turn. Or when Even pulled off a really sick football kick and he taught it to Isak. And then he admitted Isak could kick better than him. Which was obvious. Isak was the greatest. 

Or when Isak decided to cut his hair after the skatepark incident. He'd thought about it for a while and that was the final push. Everyone was ridiculous about it. Pappa agreed it was time he started looking 'proper', while mamma despaired her little boy was growing up. She wasn’t feeling too great these days. The other kids at school made a huge deal of it, joking about "the new boy" in class. Who knew getting a haircut was such a big deal? 

Even, in a shocking turn of events, proved the only reasonable voice. Rather, his lack of voice about it. Isak dreaded seeing him for the first time with his short hair. Surely _he_ would have lots to say with his big mouth. But when the Bech Næsheims came for dinner that very Sunday evening, Even gave Isak his usual annoying hair ruffle and said nothing at all. 

When Isak thought about it, they hadn't been at each other's throats as much lately. When did that happen? Things were changing between them and Isak didn't know what to think. He didn't _want_ to think. 

Isak and Even hated each other and that was the way things were meant to be. 

**2011**

Girls. 

Pretty, lovely girls all the boys fawned over. Boys were supposed to like girls. Isak was supposed to like girls. He wasn't sure if he did. 

Girls _were_ pretty and he liked when they smelled like flowers. But when all the other boys at school talked about wanting to hold a girl's hand or kiss her, Isak couldn't imagine it. Whenever he tried, he felt… nothing. Was it supposed to feel like nothing? Why would people want to do it if it felt like nothing? 

Isak wasn't exactly sure when girls stopped being gross and became these beautiful, sought after creatures. He didn't find them gross anymore either, but he still didn't want to kiss one. He wondered what girls thought of all this. Did they think about boys the same way? Maybe they still thought boys were gross. 

Every boy Isak knew talked about girls. Liking them, wanting them. Jonas and one of his jerk friends liked girls. Even, being the annoying, confusing guy he was, liked girls. And being that annoying guy meant Even figured out talking about girls bothered Isak. 

As usual, the asshole saw right through Isak and identified his greatest annoyances. And figured out how to use them against him. So when their parents brought up relationships at their monthly shared dinner, Even knew exactly what to do to get under Isak's skin. 

"We thought we were good at sneaking around, but my parents knew right away!" pappa finished his story of his first high school girlfriend with a laugh. 

Isak pretended to laugh along with the table. Held back a grimace. The embarrassment upon hearing of his dad's wild indiscretions of the past was barely tolerable. Even was watching him with a raised brow. 

"Even, you're around that age, aren't you?" pappa asked, and _oh no_. 

"I'll be fifteen in four months." 

Isak hated when Even did that, too. He was fourteen, why didn't he just say that?! 

"Any girlfriends we should know about?" 

Mari chuckled. "Are there?" 

Even took a quick, sneaky glance at Isak. Took in Isak's glare. Smirked at him. _Ass._ Transformed it into a sweet smile for their parents. "Well… there's this girl in my Norwegian class." 

"Oh?" 

"Her name's Inge."

"And you like her, huh?" Jan asked with one of those 'dad' smiles. 

Even glanced at Isak's burning face again. Bit back laughter. _Ugh_. Gave his own father a faux-shy shrug. "She's nice." 

Mari reached a hand out to him. He took it. "I hope you know you can talk to us about these things." 

"Yeah," he said with a small laugh. Isak genuinely couldn't tell if it was the cheeky laugh he held back moments earlier or a laugh out of embarrassment. Even's cheeks were pinker than usual. Perhaps his plan had backfired. As much as Isak would like to enjoy that, if Even really was embarrassed now, that meant he really did like this Inge girl. 

The thought conjured an ugly swirl in Isak's gut. Disgust. It had to be disgust. At the idea that anyone would ever like Even Bech Næsheim. That's all it was…

Later, the two boys sat in the living room. Isak was kicking Even's butt at FIFA. “Damn!” Kind of. 

Even had snuck a goal right under Isak’s nose. Isak was distracted. Couldn't stop shifting in his seat. He hadn't been able to shake that ugly feeling from his gut. 

"Are you okay?" Even asked, making Isak jump. 

Though Isak would've liked to pretend nothing happened, Even was already laughing at him. Isak flipped him off. "What do you care?" 

Even pulled a face. His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. He looked like a dumbass. "Does your mother know you're making obscene gestures?" 

"What?" 

Even stuck his middle finger up at him. "This." Isak rolled his eyes. "Do your good Christian parents know what a naughty boy you are?" 

"Do your parents know what a loser you are?" 

"And you're mean!" he exclaimed. Isak tossed a cushion at his face to shut him up. It only paused Even for a few seconds. "And violent." 

Isak half-heartedly pushed his shoulder. "Shut up," he said, trying hard to hold in his unreasonable laughter. There was no way he found this funny. No way! 

Even wasn't letting up. "Are you cranky we were talking about girls at the dinner table?" 

The heat rose in Isak's cheeks in an instant. "I- you- no! Shut up!" 

“It’s okay to be shy, Isak.” 

“Fuck ooooff!” Isak whined. 

Even leaned in closer and lowered his voice. “Have you ever had a crush on anyone?”

Isak’s heart flipped like it was trying to escape from his chest to end his misery. “No!” He tried thinking up a plan while his heart pounded. “W-what about you, huh? That Ingrid chick?” 

“Inge,” Even corrected as if Isak gave a crap. Because he didn’t. The look of shy fondness that appeared on Even’s face did not intrigue him at all, no. 

They sat in thick silence while Isak tried to get his heart rate back to normal. Even was clearly thinking about the nice girl in his Norwegian class. That fond look… For a moment, Isak let himself wonder what it would be like to have that fondness directed at him. _No way._

“What… do you like about her?” 

Even looked up at him and Isak kicked himself for asking when he didn’t care. He did not. Even smiled, unaware of Isak’s inner turmoil. “She knows a lot about space.” Isak knew a lot about space. “She’s really funny.” Isak was really funny. “She smells nice.” Isak couldn’t exactly say that about himself. Even shrugged. “I don’t know, it feels like she’s really happy to talk to me.” 

Isak gulped, unsure why his face was burning. An after effect from earlier, surely. “Uh… Is she pretty?”

“Yeah,” Even said in a lame dreamy voice. 

They returned to silence. Isak didn’t know why talking about this stuff made him so embarrassed. Ashamed. Wrong. Why hadn’t he ever felt this way about a girl? There were loads of pretty girls in his class. None of them ever made him feel shy or fond. He’d never wanted to kiss any of them. Was there something wrong with him? 

“Are… you okay?” Even asked with a chuckle. 

“Have you kissed her?”

If Isak was seeing right, Even was blushing. It brought him the vindication he deserved after all that ruthless teasing. “Not yet.”

“But you want to?”

“Well… yeah.” This time, Even’s chuckle was nervous. 

Isak bit his lip and frowned. “I just… I just don’t see the point. Like what’s so good about kissing? Wouldn’t it be all wet and gross?”

Even’s smile was soft. Softer than Isak had ever seen. It made him nervous. “You’ve never kissed anyone, have you?”

Isak gulped, deeper than before. “Have you?” 

“Yeah.” Even allowed himself a moment of thought. “It’s a little wet and gross, I guess, but it’s mostly nice.” 

“Yeah right.” 

“You don’t believe me?” 

“No.” 

“Why don’t we try, then?”

That had to be the worst idea anyone ever had. “W-what?!” 

“How will you know what you’re missing out on?” 

That had to be the worst argument anyone ever had. “I’m not missing out on anything. Not with _you_.” 

Even shrugged. “Okay, if you’re too scared-” 

How dare he even suggest such a foul misrepresentation of character. Isak was not scared of anything. “I’m not scared of anything,” he asserted before Even could finish that vile sentence. 

“So…?” 

Isak took a deep breath. “Fine,” he said before he could regret it. 

Even leaned in and Isak was already regretting it. Until their lips touched. It was only a soft touch. Their lips barely pressed together. But _wow,_ it was nice. Isak didn't have time to close his eyes before Even was pulling away. 

“There,” Even said, voice gentle. “Did you like it? Or was it wet and gross?” 

Isak stared at Even like he’d never seen him before. He didn’t know what to think or say or do. He just knew he wanted- “Can we try again?” 

Even smiled at him again, soft. _Oh my God_. He carefully placed a hand on Isak’s face. “Okay.” 

They leaned in together this time. Lips meeting in the middle. Soft, still. Isak pressed a little firmer and Even accommodated him by opening his mouth enough for their lips to slot perfectly together. It was a little wet, but there was nothing gross about it. Isak’s tummy tingled and he was beginning to understand what the big deal of kissing was all about. 

This kiss was longer, though Isak felt a little disappointed when it ended. Even broke the kiss gently, staying close to Isak. “How… how was it?” 

Amazing. Spectacular. Wonderful. Showstopping. Isak was rethinking his whole 'kissing is gross' idea. There was no way Isak could tell Even any of that. “It was okay,” he said instead. 

Even sat back, pulling his hand away with him and laughed. “Just okay.” 

"Don't, um, don't tell anyone about this, okay?" 

Isak expected Even to tease him about being embarrassed or ashamed of him or whatever clever comeback he had. Instead, he smiled and said, "Not a soul." 

So yeah, Even was a lame, annoying asshole. Except when he wasn’t. 

*********

Boys. 

They were smelly, hairy, loud. Gross. Isak knew he wasn't any different, if a little quieter. He didn't really think about boys much. 

Until the kiss™. 

Since that kiss, he hadn't been able to get it out of his mind. Get _Even_ out of his mind. Every time Isak closed his eyes, there Even was. Leaning in close with his hand on Isak's face. It was a catastrophe! What had Even done to him? He was supposed to hate him! He did. He did hate him. Did he? 

Then again, Even had been significantly less horrid for a while. He was still unbelievably annoying. Just less so. 

What was Isak thinking? Of course Even was still horrid, he was the worst person Isak knew. Alright, maybe not the _worst_. Not even the second worst, or the third. So, maybe Isak made Even out to be worse than he actually was sometimes, but he still couldn't stand him. Especially when he couldn't get him out of his head. 

Isak thought about it long and hard for days on end. What was so great about that kiss? Why couldn't Isak stop thinking about it, reliving it? And then an idea struck. 

What if… it wasn't _Even_ , per se, just a _boy?_ Could the reason Isak never wanted to kiss girls be that… he wanted to kiss boys? But… wasn’t that wrong? Were boys allowed to like boys? Isak wasn’t sure he liked anybody. Was that allowed? 

All Isak could do was line up the facts. He knew girls were pretty, but he didn't want to kiss them. He knew boys were stinky, but he did want to kiss them. Well, that wasn't entirely true. He hadn't thought about kissing boys until he kissed Even. Before that, Isak hadn't thought of a boy that way. Not really. Sometimes he noticed how sparkly Jonas's eyes were and he couldn't stop staring. But that was different, he'd never wanted to kiss him. 

Maybe if he kissed a girl, he would like it? 

Or maybe he liked Even more than he let on? 

No matter the meaning behind this catastrophe, there was only one person to blame for the whole thing: Even Bech Næsheim. 

Isak marched over to his house one Friday after school and knocked determinedly. 

Jan opened the door, with paint in his hair. "Isak," he greeted with a smile. "How are you?"

"I'm good," he said because that was how everyone answered that question. 

"If you're looking for Even, he's down at the skate park. The usual spot." 

Isak hated that Jan knew who he'd come for, despite how obvious it was. He couldn't exactly say he'd come to hang out with _him_. "Thanks," he said with the polite smile mamma taught him. 

The skate park wasn't too busy for a Friday afternoon. Isak put it down to the cold, though that didn't usually stop skaters around here. Isak saw some familiar faces as he searched the park as discreetly as he could. Until he spotted him. 

Sitting on the park's best bench for deep chats was Even… and a girl. A cute girl who was laughing at something Even said. 

Isak gulped down a sudden bitter feeling. It was probably a lame joke. He wished he had heard it. So he could roll his eyes and make fun of Even for being a dork. 

Instead, he watched Even looking at the girl fondly. They shifted closer together. Even took her hand. And then he kissed her. 

Isak watched only for as long as he could bear it. Evidently, that wasn't long. He ran all the way home, a sick feeling deep in his gut. The sickness spread through his entire body, gripping his heart. He never felt like this before. What was wrong with him? 

Of course Even kissed someone else. He was allowed to. It was probably that girl he liked from his class, that Ingrid he spoke of so fondly. Isak was just practice to him. For the real thing. Of course that's all it was, Isak knew that. Why, then, was Isak so utterly crushed? 

Isak made a vow to himself; He was never ever going to kiss Even Bech Næsheim again. 

**2012**

Sunday. 

The day the Valtersens and the Bech Næsheims reserved for their monthly dinner. Usually. 

The moment his mother got off the phone the day before, Isak knew it wasn't happening. It wasn't the first time. In the past two years, the Bech Næsheims had had to cancel their shared dinners about four or five times. 'Even wasn't feeling the best', was all they said, without giving much else away. 

"Dinner's off tomorrow," mamma said. 

"That's a shame," said pappa. 

"Why?" Isak asked, though he already knew what the answer would be. 

Mamma tenderly brushed some hair off his forehead. "Even's not feeling the best." 

Isak wondered if he was sad his dog disappeared without a trace. It _was_ like half a year ago, but Isak still got sad sometimes when he thought about his grandparents. That was fairly different, he supposed. Still. What could possibly be wrong with Even that every once in a while, he 'wasn't feeling the best'? Could it be that sometimes he was like mamma? 

That Sunday, Isak decided to go see for himself. He knocked on the door hesitantly, unsure of what he would say. 

Mari opened the door and forced a smile at him. "Isak, what a surprise." 

"Uh, hi. Hello." He stood there awkwardly and played with the hem of his t-shirt. "I… I heard Even was sick?" 

"He's not doing too well right now, but he'll be alright." 

Isak gulped, working up the nerve to continue. "I thought I could, um, maybe try to cheer him up?" 

Mari's smile was sad but genuine. She gave his shoulder a kind squeeze. "That's very kind of you. But I don't think that's a good idea right now, sweetheart." 

"Oh." Isak's face warmed. "That's okay." 

"I'm sorry, love. I'll tell him you stopped by." 

Isak could think of nothing worse. "No, you don't have to do that," he chuckled awkwardly. "I, um, I hope everything's okay. Um. Bye." He hurried home, hoping to hell Even would never know he was there. 

A week went by and there was still no sign of Even around. He wasn't at the skate park, he wasn't at the plaza, he wasn't on the street. Seemed like he hadn't left his house in an entire week. 

Isak knew he shouldn't be worried. He shouldn't even care. Curiosity, however, was always his biggest weakness. 

"Hey, mum," he said as he walked into the kitchen. It smelled amazing. "I was wondering, uh. Have you heard anything about… about Even?" 

"He's still not feeling well, poor thing. I'm making some cookies and soup to take to his mother." 

Bit of a weird combination, but the thought was there. Mamma's cookies were the best. He only hoped she wouldn’t stay up all night again. It wasn’t good for her. "I-" Isak swallowed, "I could take it over?" 

"That would be nice," mamma enthused. She gave him a side hug while she stirred her soup. Isak should be glad she was happy, though that wasn’t always a good sign. "Look at you, being helpful." 

"I'm helpful," he insisted. Usually after whinging about every and any chore he was given. "Sometimes." 

"I'm sure Even will be glad to see you." 

Isak felt as if his heart got caught in his throat. "What?" 

Mamma gave him a knowing smile and said nothing else. He hated how she seemed to know everything. “Give Even a hug for me. Poor thing must be having a hard time with the news.”

“News?” 

“Oh, didn’t we tell you? Mari got a job in Stavanger. They’re moving in the summer.” 

That certainly was news. 

Mamma rubbed Isak’s arm. “Oh, I’m sorry, love. I know you’ll miss them.”

“What? I’m not gonna miss _Even_.” 

Mamma gave him a gentle smile, that knowing look in her eyes once more. It brought the sudden clenching in Isak’s heart to his attention. _Shit._

“I should go,” he said, nodding at the tupperware in his hands. “Take this over.” 

“Take your time,” mamma called as he escaped through the front door. 

The clenching feeling didn’t let up. Isak sped up his steps to get his heart pumping. Something to overpower that uncomfortable sensation. Isak shouldn’t be feeling that. He couldn’t. It wasn’t allowed. 

The Bech Næsheim’s front door opened just as he stopped in front of it, before he had the chance to knock. “Oh.”

Jan smiled at him. “Hey, Isak.” He seemed much more upbeat than Mari was days ago. After that humiliation, Isak was glad she wasn’t the one to open the door. “Did you want to see Even?” 

_Ugh!_ How the frick did _everyone_ always know? 

Isak looked down, remembering the food in his hands. At least he had a better excuse to come by this time. “Um, I came to bring this, actually,” he said, lifting the tupperware containers. “Mum made some soup and cookies.”

Jan inspected the containers without taking them from Isak. “It smells good even with the lid on. What kind of soup is it?”

“Vegetable and bacon, I think.” 

“One of Even’s favourites,” he said appreciatively. Jan gestured behind him. “Come in, come in.” 

Isak toed his shoes off just inside the door, the act made awkward by the weight of the containers. He made his way to the kitchen and set them down. Jan immediately opened the lid of the smaller container and grabbed a cookie. He gestured for Isak to take one. Didn’t need to convince him. They bit into their cookies in unison. 

“Mm,” Jan voiced his appreciation. “Delicious, as always. Make sure to give your mum a big hug when you get home, yeah? She’s a saint.” Isak knew there wasn’t a religious bone in any of the Bech Næsheims, but the sentiment was there. Jan gestured to the bench. “Even and Mari will love it.” 

The mention of Even’s name brought that terrible clenching back. _Stop. It._ Isak cleared his throat. “I should g-” 

“Even’s in his room,” Jan said before Isak could make his escape. “I was just about to get some fresh air, but I can wait a while.” 

Isak listened to the silence in the house. Seemed like Mari wasn’t home. The thought of being alone with Even added a churning tummy to that sad feeling he was trying so hard to be rid of. Isak noticed the dark circles under Jan’s glassy eyes. His pale, unshaven face and unwashed hair. He looked like someone who could really use some fresh air. And a thousand years of peaceful sleep. Isak understood. 

Sometimes Isak wished he wasn’t such a good person. “You can go for a walk if you want,” he said. “We’ll be okay.” 

“It’s alright, really,” Jan half-heartedly tried to insist, poorly masking the exhaustion in his voice. 

“Only for a few minutes, isn’t it?” 

Jan relented with a nod. “And Mari will be home soon.” He laughed. “I’m asking a twelve year old for permission to leave my house.” 

“I’m almost thirteen.” 

“Good point.” They nodded at each other seriously. He had Isak’s permission. “Alright, I’ll only be a few minutes and I’ve got my phone if you need anything.” 

“Okay.” 

Isak remained in the kitchen after Jan closed the front door behind him. Stared at the floor, trying not to think about why the hell he thought it was a good idea to come here. Noticed the hole in his sock. How long had that been there? He liked these socks. If mamma noticed the hole, she’d probably throw them out. Although, if the hole was there for a while, she may have already noticed. But, then she would’ve thrown them out, wouldn’t sh- 

A thump interrupted Isak’s thoughts. 

A thump that had Isak fearing a murderer had broken into the house until he remembered he was at the Bech Næsheim’s with Even. A thump that when Isak thought about it, probably came from Even’s room. 

Worry took over and led Isak down the hallway to Even’s room. The door was left slightly ajar. Isak pushed it open carefully, his attempt to be discreet ruined by the door’s obnoxious creak. He cringed. 

“Isak?” Even was hidden under a bundle of blankets on his bed, hair just peeking out the top. 

Isak gulped and stepped into the room, keeping his distance from the shapeless lump of boy. “How’d you know it was me?”

“My dad is loud.” 

Isak couldn't hold back his little laugh. Jan _was_ a loud man. And this was a small house. Isak remembered the food in the kitchen. “Uh. My mum made soup and cookies.” No response. “Did… you want me to bring you some?” 

A weary sigh came from the lump. “Not hungry.” 

“Since when are you ever not hungry?” Isak tried to joke. 

Silence. He wasn’t really sure what he expected to see when he came over, but it wasn’t… whatever this was. No teasing or petty arguing or Even chatting away about whatever nerdy obsession he had this month. A dull, lifelessness filled a room that was usually overwhelming with light and warmth. Isak briefly considered returning to the comfort of his own home, when he took a better look at the lump on the bed. It wasn’t just a lump of blankets. It was _Even._

He walked closer to the bed, stopping a little away from the edge. “What was that noise?” 

“Noise?” 

“I heard something, so.” Isak gestured at the door, forgetting Even couldn’t see him. 

Isak half expected Even to make some quip about coming to see him out of the kindness of his own heart, but instead he got an emotionless, “Couldn’t focus.”

“On what?” 

“The book.”

The very moment Even said the word, Isak’s foot came in contact with ‘the book’. He picked it off the floor. _Animal Farm._ Isak recalled reading it in segments during detentions months ago. Couldn’t decide if he hated it or loved it. On one hand, it was miserable and shit. On the other, he barely managed to put it down each time he read. 

“Are you… liking it?” Isak felt stupider and stupider with every word he spoke, and he didn’t quite know why. He felt as if everything he said was wrong somehow. 

Even was quiet for a short while. He rolled over with a huff, the blankets hiding his face. “I’m supposed to hand in an essay tomorrow but I can’t get past the second chapter.” 

“You could ask for an extension?”

“Already got one.” 

Isak simultaneously felt the door and the bed calling to him. To leave or stay? He noticed an unsocked foot sticking out the end of the blanket pile. It was quickly drawn into the pile like a small animal going into hiding after being spotted. Isak wasn’t sure why that was the thing that drew him to the bed, but before he could change his mind, he was sitting on the edge. Even scooted over with his blankets to give him more space. _He’s so…_

“What’s the essay about?” 

“Some shit about metaphors and symbolism.”

“That’s artsy, right? You’re into artsy stuff.”

“Isak,” Even sighed. “I’m not gonna get it done.”

That unfamiliar weary defeat in his voice gripped Isak’s heart. This feeling matched the earlier clench in his heart. The feeling that came back every time he remembered it and why. Even was leaving in the summer. And Isak… didn’t know what to think about it. Maybe Even could help him out with that. 

“Are… are you sad because you’re moving?” 

Another short silence. “Sometimes I feel like… Like I don’t want to exist anymore.” 

_Shit._ What the fuck was he supposed to say to that? Isak knew he couldn’t make it better. Some rough nights with mamma taught him that. But he could be… nice. A shiver made its way up Isak’s back. He took a breath. “I’m glad you do. Exist.” 

Even released a heavy breath from under his blankets. Isak felt the weight of it. 

The moment was broken when Jan loudly announced his return. Mere seconds later, he was in the doorway. “What are we talking about, boys?” 

“Dad,” Even warned. 

Jan held his hands up. “Alright, I get it. I’m not cool enough to chill with you.” He gave Isak a wink when Even huffed. “Yell out if you need anything.” He pulled the door as he backed out, leaving it ajar like before. 

The room was silent for a while. The silence was more comfortable this time. 

“Why?” Even asked. 

“Why what?”

“Why are you here?”

Isak gulped. “Do you want me to go?” 

“...no.” 

That soft confession soothed Isak’s aching heart. “I like it better when you’re annoying me,” he said in response to Even’s earlier question. 

Even stuck a finger out from under his blanket pile and poked Isak’s side. “Better?” 

“Yeah,” Isak said with a soft laugh. 

They talked softly for a while. Isak did most (all) of the talking. He told Even about his asshole geography teacher and the prank the older kids pulled in the boys’ bathroom at school. Moved the conversation back to _Animal Farm_ , recounting the major plot points while Even listened quietly. Talking to Even without him constantly butting in was strange. Nevertheless, Isak talked until Even stopped responding altogether. His breathing indicated he was asleep. 

Now would be a good opportunity to leave. Something kept Isak sitting beside Even. He took ‘the book’ back into his hands. Glanced over at Even’s computer across the room. This was probably a terrible idea. 

Isak sat at Even’s desk, spotting the assessment rubric on top of the keyboard. Something about revolution and authoritarian symbolism within the novel. It was only 1000 words. Isak started Even’s computer with a sigh. He was pretty sure doing someone’s assignment for them violated academic integrity or whatever, but Isak never was one for the rules. 

Hours later, Isak pressed ‘save’ for a final time and stood. Stretched his back and walked over to Even. Reached out a tentative hand. Stroked Even’s hair. Left a note telling Even to check his computer on his bedside table. Quietly left the room as the sun went down. 

Mari was in the kitchen, munching on a cookie. She jumped when she noticed Isak. “Oh shit!”

Isak laughed. “Sorry.” 

“No, I’m sorry,” she laughed with him. She walked over and rubbed his shoulder. “Jan didn’t tell me you were still here.”

That kind of made Isak feel like an intruder despite having been invited in. “Oh yeah, I just wanted to see Even,” he said awkwardly. 

Mari gave him a warm smile and rubbed his shoulder again. “You’re a lovely boy, you know that?” Isak felt his cheeks flush. “I’ll have to call Marianne after dinner to tell her how amazing that soup is,” she said, making her mind up before having eaten it. “Did you want to stay for dinner, hun?”

Isak felt it was time to go home. “Mamma’s probably wondering where I am,” he said with a shrug. He gave her what he hoped was a polite smile.

“Tell your wonderful mother how wonderful she is for me?” 

“Sure.” 

Isak did just that. And in the morning, he woke to a facebook message from Even that read,

> thank you
> 
> P.S. ur a nerd :p 

*********

Isak’s gut sank as they watched the moving truck leave. 

“Well, that’s that,” Jan said, clapping his hands together. “We better get going.”

Mari pulled mamma into a hug. “Oh. Thank you so much for all your help.”

“Of course,” mamma said with watery eyes. 

Isak and Even watched each other while their parents exchanged hugs, handshakes and promises to keep in touch. Isak wondered if he would keep in touch with Even. They weren’t exactly friends. But they weren’t not friends. They’d gotten a little closer after Isak did Even’s assignment for him. Not close enough to completely stop picking on each other, but close enough that Isak no longer considered Even his sworn enemy. As the day the Bech Næsheim’s were due to leave Oslo drew closer, Isak realised he hadn't thought of Even that way for a while. 

Even gave him a mischievous smile. "I'll miss annoying you." 

Isak rolled his eyes and laughed. He was going to miss Even annoying him too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Chapter 2 will be posted in 2 hours. This chapter was inspired by the song 'This is my idea" from the Swan Princess ;) 
> 
> Hope everyone is staying safe out there <3 
> 
> Come say hi to me on tumblr at [thegirlnooneknows5](http://thegirlnooneknows5.tumblr.com/)  
> My ask is always open and I am always lonely <3


	2. Different but the same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -This chapter has mentions of throwing up from being drunk-

**2016**

High school. 

The supposed best time of young people's lives. Somewhere amidst stressing over exams, repetitive partying and mediocre hook ups. Right then, Isak just wanted to get out of the cold. 

The wind was icy and rough that morning. 

Isak hugged himself as he hurried inside, thinking the people standing in the courtyard were out of their minds. He welcomed the warmth of inside. Missed the comfort of his bed at home. Regretted that feeling when he remembered. 

“Yo,” Magnus called from down the hall. The guys were gathered by Jonas’s locker. 

“What’s up,” Isak said when he reached them. Jonas wore a strange expression. “ _Is_ something up?” 

“I hooked up with Eva on Friday.” 

“Again,” Magnus added. Idiot behaviour was Magnus's specialty. Annoyed glares were Mahdi's.

Isak raised a brow at Jonas in question. Jonas shook his head once in response. His weary eyes were like a punch to the gut. _Poor guy_. 

Eva and Noora chose that exact moment to walk past them. They went quiet as they noticed the boys. The chatter of other students turned into white noise. An unbearable buzzing. Eva quickly flicked her gaze from Jonas to Isak, then to the floor. Long enough for Isak to take in her regret. _Ouch_. He looked at Jonas, who appeared even wearier now. Isak felt it too. 

The girls disappeared through a door and the buzzing faded. All four boys remained silent. The cold managed to seep it's way inside. Mahdi put his hand on Jonas's shoulder. 

"That was rough," Isak said empathetically.

"This is gonna be a long fuckin’ term," Jonas said. 

Ironically, Isak's classes flew by. Strange how prevalent that was when Isak mentally checked out. He didn't think he took in a single thing his teachers said. 

Sana elbowed him back into reality. "Hey."

"Hm?" 

Sana pointed to the board. It was covered in writing Isak did not want to spend the effort reading. He wasn't even sure how long they'd been in class. When he'd moved from the hallway to English, then from English to Biology. 

_Where the fuck even am I?_

"Pay attention." 

"I can't promise anything," Isak said honestly. What was wrong with him? Usually, he could function just fine on little sleep. He’d learned to go on through that shit. The things he couldn’t talk about. 

Sana rolled her eyes in that annoyed yet fond sort of way. Isak smiled at it. It was that good kind of familiarity. Yet he couldn’t seem to bring himself into reality. Isak wanted to scream, but he was too out of it to even do that. 

Biology class dragged on and on as Isak struggled to focus. Every word was muffled gibberish. Every task was incomprehensible. Sana ended up ignoring him, already sick of his wandering focus. He couldn’t fault her. 

“Get some decent sleep tonight,” she told him as she left. The concern was evident in her voice despite her hard eyes. 

Isak blinked, unaware class had ended. Thankful, he gathered his things and made his way to the cafeteria. One thing that was alive and well today was his rumbling stomach. 

“Hey”, Jonas said, appearing beside him.

Isak would have jumped, but he couldn’t find the energy to do even that. “Hey.” 

Jonas tilted his head as he observed him. “Are you okay?” 

What a loaded question that always was. One of the most common questions people asked each other, usually only as a courtesy. In those cases, all you had to say was ‘I’m good’ no matter the truth. When people knew you better and noticed a change somewhere, ‘are you okay?’ was an expression of genuine concern. Still, people often responded with the very same ‘I’m good.’ Isak usually gave Jonas more than that. He seemed to pick up when he was lying, though he never pushed him for the truth. Isak wasn’t sure he deserved a friend like Jonas. 

With a shrug that felt too heavy on his shoulders, Isak said, “I didn’t get much sleep. It’s fine.” 

A nearby laugh caught Isak’s attention. The sound was golden. Joyous and carefree. There was something so familiar about this sound, and yet not at all. Isak turned to the direction it came from. 

A boy with golden hair that matched his golden laugh looked at him. Isak took in those familiar blue eyes and recognised him instantly. 

“Oh shit, is that Even?” said Jonas.

Even Bech Næsheim looked exactly the same and yet completely different. He’d gotten even taller and he wasn’t quite as skinny as he used to be. That same gleam Isak saw a million times still lived in his eyes. Isak could see it from here. It did something annoying to his gut. 

“Yeah.” 

Even said something to his companion and approached them alone. He was even taller up close. His eyes, even more blue. Even smiled at them like they were old friends. “Weird running into you two here.” 

Jonas laughed out of what Isak hoped was politeness. A joke _that_ horrendous did not deserve a genuine laugh. “Hey, man.” Jonas held out his hand for Even to take and they did that barely-there guy hug thing guys often did. “It’s good to see you.” 

“You too.” 

“What _are_ you doing here?” Isak asked. He felt his face heat when Even looked at him, his expression a mix of hesitation and amusement. “I mean - I didn’t mean it to come out like that.” The heat on his face strengthened when Even smiled. “I just meant - I didn’t - when did you come back?” 

“About a month ago,” Even said. “Not long before school started.” 

“Are you back for good, or like?” Jonas asked. 

“For good, probably.” 

This was news. Isak and Even fell out of touch years ago, but he wasn’t sure if their parents did as well. If they hadn’t, surely they’d known about this. And they’d been too distracted to mention it. Isak probably would’ve forgotten too. But when Isak looked at Even and he looked back, a feeling of sweet nostalgia replaced all those jumbled thoughts. 

Hearing his voice after so long was kind of like coming home. 

_That’s fucking stupid._

“Are you going to Nissen?” Isak asked. 

“Repeating my third year,” Even confirmed. 

“We’ll be running into you a lot more, then,” Jonas said jovially. 

Even kept looking at Isak, whose face grew hotter by the second. “I hope so.”

Isak hoped so, too. 

*********

Even Bech Næsheim.

The most sunshiney person Isak had ever met. At least the way Isak remembered him. He was obnoxious, annoying, terrible. Friendly and sweet. And… _hot._

Isak blinked the thought away. _Dumbass,_ he thought of himself. The years _had_ been kind to Even, not that Isak noticed. Not at all. 

Still, Isak spent his trip home thinking of Even. His smile, the return of his lame jokes. His little ‘hope so’ in response to Jonas musing they’d be seeing him around. Isak wondered how much he changed and how much stayed the same. If maybe this time, they’d pick up where they left off years ago. Maybe this time, they’d be friends. 

Isak opened his front door to see a suitcase in the hallway. “Mum?” He moved through the cramped space into the small kitchen where he found mamma sitting at the counter with… pappa. _No._

“Isak.” 

Isak swallowed hard. “What’s going on?” 

“Isak, your mother has decided to check into hospital. We’re heading over tomorrow.” 

“What?” Mamma watched him with wary eyes. She was pale and gaunt as usual. “Is this his idea?”

“We’ve been talking about it,” she said, voice hoarse. 

Isak scoffed. “Right, yeah, so you walk out on us, and now you’re putting her away.” 

“That’s not what’s going on here,” pappa said. 

“Oh, fuck off.”

“Isak-” mamma began. 

The fact that pappa didn't even look a little offended pissed Isak off even more. “No, no, fuck off! You can’t do this. You don’t get to take her away from me too.” 

Mamma carefully slid off her stool and walked towards him. “Sweetheart, you're not going to lose me.” This was the most lucid she’d been in days, weeks even. “You can visit whenever you want.” 

“I want you to tell him to fuck off. Stop letting him control you.”

“This is my decision.”

“Then why is he here?” 

“I asked him to help me sort it out. You know how I am.” 

Yes, he did know how she was. He knew how to handle things. Why couldn’t he take care of her? Why did they have to do this? Isak couldn’t manage to say any of this. Instead, he looked between his parents while it got hard to breathe, silent. The small room got smaller, trapping him inside. 

"I need to get out," he managed to say.

Both parents called after him as he escaped the claustrophobic apartment. 

Isak walked out onto the street. Kept walking. 

Walked all the way to his old neighbourhood in the cold afternoon. Considered standing in front of his childhood home. Didn't think he could handle it. Went to the skatepark instead. Tried to remember when things were good. All the carefree fun that clueless kid had here. No idea that the world was shit and everyone found out eventually. 

Isak sat on the main ramp as the sun went down. The cool concrete gave his skin a slight sting through his jeans. He thought about getting up. Didn't. How long could he stay out here? Isak knew he was acting like a child. He couldn't face going back. Not yet. Every time he thought about it, his chest constricted. _Fucking pussy._

"Isak?" 

Isak jumped, heart pounding. He looked up, startled, embarrassed, annoyed. Why couldn't everyone leave him alone? 

Even fucking Bech Næsheim. Of course. That tall fucker was everywhere. 

Even got closer to him. _Shit._ Isak sprung to his feet. The sight of him made him kind of sick. His soft smile, his gentle eyes. Isak didn't need this. He didn't need Even butting into everything like he always used to. Telling him everything would be okay. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Why would anything be wrong?" 

"You seem sad," Even said and _fuck him_. 

Fuck him for knowing Isak so well even after all this time. Seeing him there in their old skatepark made Isak feel like that stupid little kid again. That little kid who still had everything Isak now took for granted. That ridiculous, happy little kid who had no idea. Not a fucking clue. 

This place was too cold, too cruel. The park, the whole neighbourhood. Isak walked past Even. If he got away quick enough, he could avoid all this. What ever annoyingly kind thing Even was going to say next. Isak didn’t know what he would do if he heard it. 

“Isak,” Even called after him. Isak didn’t stop. “Isak.” Even was following him. His lame jokes weren’t the only thing that hadn’t changed. Bastard didn't know when to take a hint. Isak picked up the pace. A hand came to his shoulder. Felt like being burned by an electricity socket. Isak shook him off. “Just tell me what’s going on.” 

All that sadness, the embarrassment, the shame mixed together to form a rage Isak didn’t know what to do with. He spun around to glare at the stupid concern on Even’s stupid face. 

“Fuck off, will you?!” 

“Isa-”

Isak leapt back, out of reach so Even couldn’t touch him again. Even held his hands up in understanding. He didn’t understand shit. “What don’t you understand about fuck off? Was I not clear enough? Fuck. Off.”

“Okay, you’re clearly upset, so I’m not going to hold that against you.”

The rage grew, swallowing up everything else. Isak gritted his teeth. Scrunched his hands into tight fists. “Don’t talk about me like you fucking know me! You don’t know shit! It’s been like four years, why are you _still_ trying to butt into everything? Why do you _always_ have something to say? It’s fucking weird. You can’t fix everything! Just - fuck off!” 

For one of the very few times Isak had known him, Even had nothing to say. He looked at Isak with wide, hurt eyes. A frown set on his face. Truly speechless. Guilt was already seeping into Isak, dissipating some of the rage. He didn’t like that he put that look on Even’s face. Even turned and walked off in the other direction before Isak could say anything more. 

Isak watched him until he disappeared from sight. _Fuck._ So much for hoping they’d be friends. 

*********

It was dark when Isak snuck back in. The little apartment was quiet, all but for the old clock ticking in the kitchen. 

Isak hated that clock. Freaked him out when he walked around the old house in the middle of the night as a kid. Reminded him he wasn’t that kid anymore when he heard it now. Everyone had left. Even. Pappa. Now mamma. 

*********

Soft voices carried from the kitchen. 

Isak checked his phone quickly. He only managed three hours of sleep. Better than the weekend, at least. Isak would take that damn ticking over wailing cries. The recent memory clenched his heart, his gut. 

The soft voices got louder, ever so. A welcome disruption. Sort of. Isak climbed out of bed and shuffled in their direction. Entered the kitchen wordlessly. 

Pappa looked at him and mamma turned to follow his gaze. “Sweetheart,” she said.

“We were worried,” pappa said. 

Isak grabbed the bottle of almost empty orange juice out of the fridge. Gulped it down. Set the empty bottle on the counter. “I came home,” he said with a shrug. 

Mamma reached over to place her hand over his. Cold like always. “I - Isak, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner.” 

“You’ve been planning this.”

“We’ve talked about it for a while, but I wasn’t sure until Sunday. When you put me back to bed for the third time, remember?” 

Isak did. She’d caressed his hair with a shaky hand, telling him he was her angel. That she didn’t deserve it. That he needed to be free of her. Isak had held in his tears until he was alone in his room. 

Isak turned his hand over and held mamma’s back. Her eyes softened. 

“It won't be forever. Just until I feel okay again.”

“I want you to be okay.” 

Mamma wiped the sole tear off Isak’s face. He hated himself for not being able to stop it. “I will be.” 

Two and a half hours later, they hugged in what was to be her room for the next few months. Isak always hated goodbyes. So he didn’t say it. Mamma liked hearing ‘love you’ more anyway. She thanked him for coming and Isak was proud of himself for managing to not cry. He shut away all his feelings. Didn’t have the energy to handle them. Nor the time. He was so late. 

Pappa walked beside him awkwardly as they left. Isak paid no mind to him. He hated leaving her here. Hated that pappa helped her set up all the paperwork. It should’ve been him. 

“Do you want a lift to school?”

“I’ll catch the bus.” 

From the corner of his eye, Isak could tell pappa was going to insist. Thought better of it and nodded his acceptance instead. Good. 

“I’ll see you later, okay?” 

Isak headed for the bus stop without returning the sentiment. He hoped the fuck not. 

“Prick.” 

*********

Isak couldn’t stop thinking about the skate park incident. The guilt ate away at him the second he saw Even’s face fall at his words. He made an enemy out of him again. Didn’t take him long. He didn’t want it to be like that. 

Right at that moment, Even walked by. As if they were in one of those lame movies he used to like. His hair was styled back and his jeans looked a tad too tight. Isak gulped. Time really had been kind to him. They locked eyes and Isak raised a hand. Even responded with a cold stare. It seeped into Isak’s chest, cooling his heart. 

_Fuck._

“What the fuck was that about?” Jonas asked. 

“Nothing,” Isak said with a forced laugh. “He’s just an asshole, same as always.” 

“That Even guy?” Magnus butt in. “No way, he’s cool.” 

“You’re imagining things.” 

Thankfully, they moved on quickly. Conversations with the guys were getting harder to pay attention to. Especially when all they talked about was absolute nonsense crap when there were so many more important things going on in the world. Isak didn’t want to listen to their hookup stories anymore. Not when he couldn’t truthfully share his own. 

“I swear, she had a cat tongue! It was so… rough,” Magnus said. 

“You’re disgusting,” Jonas laughed. 

“No, the cat tongue was disgusting.” 

“How the fuck would you know she had a cat tongue unless you’ve kissed a cat.” 

Magnus pulled a face. “Don’t say shit like that.” 

“Dude, you say worse shit all the time.” 

Making fun of Magnus was something Isak could get behind. “Like when you told us about your dream where Ms. Andem was a dominatrix.” 

“Okay, but you laughed, though.” 

“You have no proof.” 

Mahdi plonked his bag on the table, startling everyone. “Dudes.”

“What the fuck,” Magnus laughed through his shock. His voice came out like a small shriek. 

Mahdi unzipped his bag and discreetly showed them the weed inside. He was always careful, but bringing weed to school and showing it in the cafeteria was a stupid move. Or a calculated one. Mahdi had a suss smirk on his face. 

“You’re trying to bribe us aren’t you?” Isak asked. 

“Mm, bribe, friendly incentive. Whatever you prefer to call it.” 

“What do you need to bribe us for?” Jonas asked. 

Mahdi pulled out the chair beside Magnus and sat slowly. He looked at each of them, really drawing this the fuck out. This better be good or Isak would be disappointed. “The film club needs actors and I said I knew the coolest guys in the world who would do anything for their best friend.” 

Jonas chuckled. “Did you?” 

“I mean, where would they be without my guidance and glorious cut of weed?” 

“Where indeed.” 

“What do you need actors for?” Isak asked. 

Mahdi gave him a look he usually reserved for Magnus and Isak had never been so offended. “To act.”

“In what, you dick?” 

“We’re making a movie about aliens and epic romance and shit.” 

“You and epic romance?” Magnus laughed. 

“I didn’t write the script.” 

“Then, I’ll do it.” 

Magnus looked way too proud of himself for that burn. Mahdi narrowed his eyes at him before laughing at his cheeky expression. He turned his attention back to Isak and Jonas. "And you?" 

"Eh, why the hell not?" said Jonas. 

They all waited for Isak's response. He thought the whole idea was lame despite not having heard the whole idea. But Mahdi was looking at him expectantly with those deep brown eyes. _The things I do._ "Count me in." 

"Yes!" 

"Check it, I'm gonna be like Tom Cruise," Magnus said. 

"A giant asshole?" said Isak. 

"Man, fuck you guys." 

Occasionally, Isak's friends spoke utter nonsense. Though they never missed an opportunity to rip on each other. What else were friends for? 

*********

The apartment wasn't as quiet this afternoon as when Isak left this morning. Last night, he sat in solitude, feeling every passing second of it. As Isak came home, something was off. Like maybe he wasn't alone. 

"Hello?" he called down the hall after hanging up his coat. Cringed at himself because that was always what got people killed in all those slasher films. If he got himself murdered, he was going to be pissed. 

"In the kitchen," pappa answered. 

_Ah fuck._

Isak would rather face a knife murderer. He trudged into the kitchen, defense modes going up. "What do you want?" 

"To see you. I meant to come by last night, but I fell asleep early." Isak stared at him while he let out a nervous laugh. "Uh. How are you?" 

"Fine without you." 

"I know you're mad at me-"

"Then why don't you leave me alone?" 

“You’re my son.”

Isak scoffed. Interrupted pappa when he tried to speak. “Is that why you locked my mother away?”

“She told you herself, it was her decision.” Pappa went on before Isak could interrupt again. “You know this is for the best. She needs more than we can give her right now.” 

“She needs _me_ ,” Isak insisted. 

Pappa reached out, then quickly withdrew when Isak stepped back. “We can call whenever we like. Visit whenever we like.”

“ _We_ won’t do anything. If I’m going to see her, it’ll be just me.” 

“Alright,” pappa relented. 

Isak was stunned, expecting him to fight back for at least a little longer. He wasn’t sure if the easy defeat calmed him or pissed him off even more. Isak took a proper look at his father. His dark circles and slumped shoulders. He seemed just as exhausted as Isak. 

“Is… there something you wanted to talk to me about?” Isak asked, figuring he could give him a small break. 

Surprise appeared on pappa’s face for the briefest of moments before he covered it with concern. “There is, actually.” Isak braced himself. “I - well. I wanted to ask, do you - would you want to come live with me? Until your mother comes home.”

Isak blinked at him. Felt like he was 15 all over again. “Wha - why?” 

“You’re still in school and with everything going on, I don’t think you should be on your own. And - well. We never see each other anymore.” 

Isak threw his head back and rolled his eyes. They were not going to have that conversation _again_. He looked back at his father. Felt rage, a suffocating sensation climbing up from his gut. There was no way he was going to spend any more time with this asshole than he had to. “No.”

“Okay, then do you want me to move in with you here?”

“ _No_.” 

“Isak, I’m not leaving you all alone.”

Rage and panic gripped at his chest. Isak didn’t know what to do with it, but he couldn’t be here. “I can’t.” He darted into his bedroom to throw a few things into a bag. 

Pappa followed him because the bastard didn’t know when to quit. “Where are you going?”

“Away.” 

“Isak, please. You’re 17. I’m trying to look out for you.” 

“Don’t.” 

Isak pushed past him in the doorway and headed for the front door. Grabbed his coat and slid on his shoes. All while pappa was saying something Isak didn’t have the energy to listen to. 

He managed to catch his, “Isak!” as he closed the door behind him. 

Isak walked down the stairs until he was standing on the street. Kept walking. This time, he really had no idea where he was going. His phone buzzed in his hand and Isak checked it reflexively. 

> **Linn:** heard about ur mum
> 
> are you ok? 
> 
> **Isak:** are you home?
> 
> **Linn:** always
> 
> **Isak:** can i come over? 
> 
> **Linn:** yeah

Isak headed for the tram, glad he had somewhere to go, even if they kicked him out after a few hours. Though, the timing of Linn’s message was odd. He wondered if his dad talked to her first. If he’d get there to find his meddling father already waiting for him. _This isn’t some weird movie_ , he assured himself. Didn’t stop him shaking the entire journey. 

Reaching the blue door he’d only seen twice before should have been a relief. Isak wasn’t done being paranoid. He hesitated before buzzing Linn’s apartment. 

Several long seconds later, Linn’s crackly voice came out of the outdated speaker. “Come up.”

An ‘out of order’ sign was taped to the elevator. Isak climbed the stairs with a sigh. Reached Linn’s door puffing. Knocked. 

Linn opened the door much faster than she answered the buzzer. “Hey.” She moved aside for him to go inside. 

Isak did. “Hey.” The apartment was messy like the last time Isak saw it. He couldn’t remember how long ago that was. As far as he could tell, there was no sign of his father. 

“So? You doing okay?”

Isak shook his head helplessly. “I don’t know.” 

Linn put a hand on Isak’s shoulder and squeezed. She flicked at his bag. “Need somewhere to stay?”

His face heated. “Um. Kinda.” He shrugged apologetically. 

“It’s cool. We have a spare room now.”

“Now that Rumen abandoned us,” Eskild said with an exaggerated wail. He emerged from the hallway and stopped when he saw Isak. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t my favourite little cousin.” 

“ _My_ cousin,” Linn corrected. 

Eskild walked further into the room with a shrug. “What’s yours is mine.”

“We’re not married.”

“Why not?”

“We are both home of sexual.” 

“And?” 

Isak’s chuckles ended the quarrel and they both looked at him intently. He cleared his throat, face heating some more. “Uh. What?” 

Linn and Eskild had some sort of conversation with their expressions. Almost like they were twins. They _did_ kind of look alike. Same colour hair, similar eyes. Isak wondered if uncle Knut had been hiding a few things. He entertained the idea while Linn and Eskild did their weird telepathy thing. 

The silence ended as abruptly as it began. “How long do you need a place to stay?” Linn asked.

Isak masked his shock at her sudden break of silence. “A while, I guess.”

“What about here?”

_What._

Isak looked between Eskild and Linn, trying to gage if they were joking or not. This had to be a joke, surely. Who just asked someone to live with them? _Were_ they asking him to live with them? “You want me to be your roommate?”

“It’s a decent area and the rent isn’t terrible.” 

“And we’re kind of desperate,” Eskild added. 

Isak looked around the place. It was probably bigger than his apartment with mamma. Not by much, but if four bedrooms were any indication to go on. He spotted a familiar red sweater draped over the couch. That’s right. Noora lived with Linn. He couldn’t live with someone he went to school with, could he? Would he still be able to hide what was going on? No. No, he couldn’t do this. 

His phone buzzed in his hand. _‘ **Prick’ is calling**_ **.** He knew his father wouldn’t leave him alone if he stayed at home. Which would drive Isak mad. He looked around the apartment again, then back to Linn and Eskild as they waited for his answer. 

“Okay.” 

Where else did Isak have to go? 

*********

The moving in process was fast. Isak brought his stuff over two days later. With help from his friends while he evaded his father. 

“What is all this about, anyway?” Magnus asked for the fifth time. They were carrying the last of Isak’s boxes up the stairs. The ache in Isak’s thighs made him think they should've carried up the boxes before his mattress. 

“I told you, I wanted some independence.” 

“Yeah but like. You’re literally moving out.” 

“I’m not the only one at school who doesn’t live with their parents.” 

“I think it’s cool,” Mahdi said before Magnus could ask the same few questions _again._ “We can hang out late with no parents nagging us to go to bed.” 

Magnus’s confused frown transformed into a smile. “Yeah, awesome!” 

After some arguing and shuffling around of things, all of Isak’s junk was in his new room. About the same size as his one at home. Far enough away from _him_. 

Jonas remained behind when the others left the room. He’d been unusually quiet all day. “What’s wrong?” Isak asked. 

Jonas shrugged as if that told him anything. “You know you can talk to me, right? About anything.”

“...yeah?” 

“So if something else is going on…”

Fuck him for being so intuitive. For being such a good friend. “There’s not,” Isak said. He’d almost told Jonas the truth so many times over the past week. Stopped himself every time he got close to blurting it all out. “Really, I - I just need to be on my own for a while.” They heard Eskild and Noora laughing from her room. “Or, well. You know.”

Jonas looked at him like he didn’t quite buy it, but he didn’t push it. Bless him for being such a good friend. 

Eskild decided gaining a new roommate was grounds for throwing a welcome party and the very next night, the place was full of drunk people dancing and chatting away. The party lights gave everything a purple glow. 

Everything was going fine until Isak spotted Even fucking Bech Næsheim hugging Eskild and Linn at the front door. Linn led him into the kitchen like the traitor she was. They always got along as kids, which pissed Isak off then and it pissed him off now. He hadn’t seen Even since that day in the cafeteria. All desire Isak had of apologising disappeared when Even glared at him like he was nothing. Fuck him, if that’s how he was going to act. 

What the hell was he doing here tonight? Did he know the party was for Isak? If he did, why would he come? Since he despised him so much. 

Isak pushed off the wall and headed after them. Stopped outside the kitchen, keeping out of site when he heard their voices. 

“It’s only been a day and he’s already making messes,” Linn joked like she wasn’t the messiest person Isak knew. 

“He’s just trying to fit in,” Even joked back. 

“He’ll fit in perfectly, I think.” 

“Mm.” 

That did something annoying to Isak’s gut. He remained hidden behind the wall. What would he say if he did reveal himself? 

“So, you’re doing that film club thing, huh?”

“People like to talk,” Even said with a laugh. “Yeah I am.” 

_Wait._

“They actually let me write a script to make.” 

“What’s it about?”

“Aliens.” 

_Oh no, no, no._ This couldn’t happen. Isak crept away from his hiding spot. 

“Get him!” 

“Leave me alone!” 

Magnus and Mahdi rushed past him, pushing Jonas backwards. They shoved him into the bathroom and leaned on the door to keep it closed. Jonas knocked and complained from behind it. Isak walked towards them. 

“What the fuck is happening?” 

“We’re trying to save him from a mistake,” Magnus said. “Shit.” 

Isak turned to see what he was looking at. Eva was standing at the end of the hallway, brow furrowed. “Guys, what the fuck?” she said with a slight laugh. 

“This is for your own good,” Mahdi said, struggling against the rattling door. 

“You can’t control me!” Jonas called from inside. “I am uncontrollable!” 

“We’re not letting you destroy yourself.”

“Fuck you!” 

Linn and Even popped their heads into the hall to see what all the commotion was. Isak’s eyes locked with Even’s for a split second before Isak looked away. It was enough to make his treacherous heart skip a beat. Why did he have to look so good? 

Jonas resumed his assault on the door, accompanying his banging with a weird yelling sound. 

“How much has he had to drink?” Isak asked. 

“Too much,” Mahdi said. 

Isak looked back at an annoyed Eva. He walked her into the living room, away from this. “What the fuck, we were just talking and then they grabbed him,” she said. 

_Lucky they did._ Isak considered how he should say what needed to be said. There was no way to say it without pissing someone off. “They were protecting him.” 

“From me?” 

“And himself.” 

Eva’s face dropped. “We can’t keep - I didn’t know that he - that I.” She sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m hurting him, aren’t I?”

“Eva-” 

“I need to go.” She brushed past him, grabbed her bag and shot out the door. 

Isak stood there for a short while after, feeling responsible somehow. “Shit.” He headed for the hall again. Ran right into the very last person he wanted to see. 

“Whoa.” 

“Oh shit.” 

Even stepped back so they were out of each other’s space. Isak waited for him to say something and… nothing. All they did was stare at each other like a pair of idiots. 

“Um…” 

“I don’t have anything to say,” Even said, bringing Isak back to his skate park tirade. 

His face grew hot. “I-” 

“See ya.” Even walked around him. Disappeared into the purple glow. 

Isak remembered what he heard while he was eavesdropping. “Fuck no.” He found his friends still struggling against the bathroom door. “Eva went home.” 

Magnus stood away from the door with a relieved sigh. “Dude, no!” Mahdi said as the door flung open, sending him into the opposite wall. “Argh.” 

“Whoa, are you okay?” Magnus grabbed hold of him. Helped him stand straight. 

Jonas stood in the bathroom doorway, sweaty and puffing. He threw his arms up. “What the fuck?!” 

“You’ll thank us in the morning,” Mahdi groaned. “Dick.” 

Jonas dashed to the sink and violently threw up. 

“Ugh,” Magnus complained. 

This was Isak’s window. It would be gross and terrible, but he’d rather this than spending any more time with _Even_. “I’ll take care of him if I don’t have to be in your movie thing.” 

“Uh, what?” Mahdi said. 

“Come on, you know how annoying Jonas is when he’s like this.”

As if being summoned, Jonas groaned loudly. “I’m too young to die. Please don’t let me die.” 

Isak raised a brow at Mahdi as he squinted hard at him. Jonas threw up again, hacking and gagging more than the last time. They all shuddered. “Ugh, fine,” Mahdi relented. “You don’t have to do the movie, but I won’t forgive you.” 

“You will.” 

“Sure.” Mahdi rubbed his own shoulder. “I think I gotta head home anyway.” 

“Take me with you!” Magnus latched onto Mahdi’s jacket as he walked down the short hallway. “Good luck!” he called back. 

Isak filled a large water bottle in the kitchen while Jonas groaned on the bathroom floor. The bathroom stunk like puke, sweat, alcohol and shame. Isak winced and went in. Crouched next to Jonas, who had his head in his hands. “Hey, buddy.”

“I’m such a mess.” 

Isak knew all about that. 

*********

Avoiding his dad was easier than Isak thought it’d be. His phone buzzed and buzzed with messages and missed calls. Isak ignored every single one. 

Until the following Thursday. 

Isak was doing his homework in his room when a knock came to his door. “Isak?” Linn’s muffled voice said. 

“Yeah?” 

“Are you busy?”

“Not really.” She was quiet. “Do you need something?”

Linn cracked the door open. Her bashful expression made Isak nervous. “Don’t hate me.” She pushed the door open more to reveal pappa standing behind her. 

“Hi.”

“Fuck sake.” 

“I couldn’t just kick him out,” Linn tried to explain. 

“You could’ve told him I’m not here.” 

“I just want to talk, okay?” pappa interjected. “I’ll leave right after, I just. Please, Isak.” 

Isak sighed heavily. He was so fucking tired, still. “I guess.” 

Pappa stepped inside and Linn shut the door behind him. The tension was immediate. Pappa swayed on his feet. 

“I’m not coming to live with you,” Isak told him. 

“That’s not why I-” He stopped to take a breath. “All I wanted was to make sure you weren’t alone. I’m glad you’re here with Linn.” 

Isak nodded, not quite ready to look at him for longer than a few seconds at a time. “So… why are you here?” 

“I wanted to apologise.” That made Isak snap his head up. “We should have involved you in what was going on. Your mother wanted to tell you. I was trying to protect you, but. You deserved to know. I’m sorry.” 

Some of that ever-present bitter resentment faded. He looked at his father. Really looked at him. The dark circles were still there. Above them, eyes full of sincerity. Isak nodded. “Okay.” 

Pappa nodded, pulling his lips in. “Okay, good. Good.” He looked around the room. “I’ll, uh, I’ll give you space, if that’s what you want. But, um. Did you want to have dinner on Sunday?”

“Uh.” Isak didn’t particularly like the idea, though he figured he could do this one simple thing. Pappa apologised, agreed to give him space. The least Isak could do was humour him. “Yeah, okay.” 

“Okay?” 

“Okay.” 

Pappa smiled, letting out a relieved breath. “Great, I’ll pick you up at 18:30?”

“Can’t I just meet you somewhere?” 

“I want the place to be a surprise.” 

There was no such thing as a good surprise. Pappa looked so hopeful, Isak gave in. “Fine.” 

*********

Sunday. 

A day of rest. A day of tradition. A day for family.

Isak didn’t like Sundays much. They reminded him he had to go back to school the next day. He usually discovered a piece of homework he’d completely forgotten about and couldn’t relax. Sundays were meh. 

That Sunday, Isak waited on the couch, knee bouncing. The dreaded ‘I’m here!’ text came right at 18:30. Isak trudged down as Linn wished him luck. Didn’t know what for. It was just dinner. What could go wrong? 

Pappa made idle small talk on the short drive. Isak knew exactly where they were when he headed down the street before they turned. They’d travelled down this street countless times. Not in years. _Shit._ Isak realised where they were going and why pappa wouldn’t tell him beforehand. He considered flinging himself out of the car, but decided it wasn’t worth it. Mamma didn’t need more to worry about. 

Mari and Jan Bech Næsheim stood on their front porch, waving as they pulled into the driveway. Without Even. It was good to see them. Maybe it would be a nice evening. Maybe he was safe. 

“Surprise,” pappa said lamely. 

Isak got out without responding. Pappa followed him onto the porch to greet their hosts. 

“Oh, you’ve gotten so big!” Mari said, giving Isak a hug. She pulled back to look at him. “Our little Isak all grown up. You’re so handsome.” 

He laughed. “It’s all natural.” 

Jan laughed his old bellowing laugh. Same as always. “It’s good to see you,” he said, pulling him into a quick hug. “Come inside.” 

The house looked completely different yet exactly the same. They had mostly new furniture in a new arrangement. One thing that remained the same was their gigantic dining table. And there was no sign of Even.

“Pretty amazing you were able to buy your old house back,” pappa said. 

“Like it’s fate,” Mari said. “Even, love, come say hi.” 

_Fuck._ All Isak’s hope was shat on when Even emerged from wherever. He shook pappa’s hand with a smile. “Hi, Terje.” 

“My God, you’ve grown,” pappa exclaimed. Even laughed, eyes bright. “It’s good to see you, mate.” 

“You too.” Even flicked his unreadable eyes over to Isak. “Good evening.” 

Isak gulped under his gaze, mortified. “Um. Yeah, good evening.” 

Their parents looked between them, sensing the tension. Jan saved them from it. “I’m starving. Why don’t we start, hm?” 

Bless him and his eternal hunger. 

Dinner was spectacular. Isak didn’t realise how much he missed the Bech Næsheim’s meals. Or Jan’s jokes. Or how pappa came alive when he was around friends. It all gave him a weird sense of normality. 

Including the weird looks Even kept giving him. Even though they were annoying as shit. “What?” he demanded quietly, so as not to draw their parents’ attention. 

“Hm?”

“Why do you keep looking at me?” Even shrugged. “That’s not an answer.” 

“Whatever.” 

“Oh, yeah, real mature.” 

“Yeah, screaming at someone to fuck off when they’re only trying to help you is very mature.” 

Isak set his cutlery down with a sigh. “Fuck me,” he muttered. 

“No thanks.” 

“Ugh, you’re so-”

“It’s just like old times,” Jan said. They were all looking at them. “You two bickering at the end of the table.” 

Isak’s face warmed. He felt he was disrespecting their home. “Sorry.” 

“Why don’t you two go and wash up,” Mari suggested. “Calm yourselves down.” 

Even rose, collecting the plates from the table and went into the kitchen wordlessly. Isak shared a brief look with his amused dad and followed Even to his doom. He was already filling the sink with water while he scraped the scraps into the bin. It really was like old times. 

Feeling useless, Isak looked around for something to do. He brought the pots and cooking utensils on the stove to the sink. Even hummed his acknowledgement. They silently sorted what needed to go in the dishwasher. Hands brushed a few times. Made Isak’s foolish gut flip each time. 

They washed and dried the larger things in silence, the tension thick as ever. Isak couldn’t stand it any longer. “I’m sorry.” 

Even ceased his movements to look at him. He arched a brow. 

“For what I said,” Isak went on. He licked his lips, noticing Even following the movement with his eyes. “I was fucked up and… I took it out on you. It wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.” 

Even observed him for longer than people usually looked at each other without speaking. Kind of like he was deciding whether to believe him or not. Isak just wanted this to be over. A smile grew on Even’s face. “Thanks.” Isak breathed out his relief. “I hope you’re okay now.” 

“Getting there.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

That surprised Isak. He was an asshole to Even for no reason and now he wanted to be there for him? It made Isak feel like a bigger dumbass. Never mind that he’d just apologised. 

“I’d rather not.” 

Even went back to washing. “Let’s talk about something else, then.” 

“You… really want to talk to me?”

“We had one bad interaction. Nothing new.” 

Isak laughed, revelling in the way it made Even’s smile grow. “Yeah, I guess not.” 

“Why don’t we start over?”

“Okay.” 

Even shifted his body towards him. “Hey, Isak, it’s great to see you after all these years.” 

On very rare occasions, Even was funny. Isak decided to play along. “Yeah! How do you like Nissen?” 

“Eh.” 

They laughed. “It _can_ be really ‘eh’ sometimes,” Isak agreed. 

“Maybe not now that you’re here.” 

Isak rolled his eyes, masking his delight. “Ugh.” 

“Oh, Isak, won’t you be my bestest friend in the world?” 

Isak stared at him. Distracted him long enough to flick some sink water at his face. 

“Ah!” 

Isak jumped out of reach before Even could retaliate, laughing like a ten year old. “Ha ha,” he teased. 

“Oh yeah?” Even grabbed the end of the tea towel in Isak’s hand and pulled him in. They were standing close. Even’s eyes were so blue. Isak noticed the mischievous twinkle too late. Cold fingers dug into his sides, tickling him while Isak squirmed and pleaded for mercy. 

“I hate you!” he howled. 

“I hate you too.” 

*********

Isak went to school on Monday in much better spirits. A good friend could do that. 

The thought stopped him. Were he and Even friends? They’d agreed not to be arch-enemies anymore. But they never said anything about friendship specifically. Still. They had fun last night. Isak actually went to bed with a smile on his face for once. He dreamt of laughter and ruthless tickles. 

When Isak spotted his friends standing by Jonas’s locker, he knew what he had to do. He felt like he was walking on air as he neared them. 

“You look cheerful today,” Jonas said. 

“Did you hook up with Emma again?” asked Magnus. 

Isak stopped himself from shuddering. _Never again_. “No. Just in a good mood, I guess.” 

“That’s how I’m gonna be when I finally convince Vilde to fall in love with me.” 

“Good luck with that,” Mahdi said. 

“Don’t need luck.” 

Isak decided he could interrupt their friendly bickering with his news. “Did you still need an extra guy for your movie thing?” 

“Yeah,” Mahdi said hopefully. 

“Well, looks like I’m available.” 

“Yes!” Mahdi pulled him into a brief hug. Pat his back once and let him go. Isak laughed at his joy. “They’re gonna be stoked.” 

“You and Even don’t still hate each other do you?” Jonas asked. 

“No.”

“Good because we’re meeting today after school,” Mahdi said. 

That would mean seeing Even again. Isak bit back his smile. _Don't be a loser._

Isak had a nasty habit of not listening to himself. He thought about the meeting all day, counting down the minutes as it neared. Loser behaviour. 

It didn’t matter. The second the bell rang, Isak sprung out of his seat and headed for the media room. Isak didn’t think he’d ever been in there. That sparked his excitement even more. He peeked through the little window on the door. There were some people he didn’t recognise sitting with Mahdi inside. He opened the door. 

“Hey,” a kid with long hair said. 

“Hey, guys, this is Isak,” Mahdi said. 

Everyone exchanged greetings and introductions with Isak. Sitting around the chair circle was Mikael, Sigrid and Camille. Jonas and Magnus joined just as Isak took a seat, followed by two girls Isak learned were also actors. He watched the door like the loser he was as the group chatted about things Isak didn’t understand. Ten minutes went by and there was still no Even. Maybe he wasn’t coming today. 

“Alright, so I was thinking we could continue rehearsals this week and next, and then we can start shooting like the end of next week?” Mikael suggested. 

“I second that,” Mahdi said. All the others nodded. 

“Awesome. I guess we should give it a full read through now that we’ve got all our actors.” 

Everyone took out their copies of the script. Mikael passed Isak one of his own. It was titled ‘Cosmic Love’ by Even Bech Næsheim. Isak tried not to laugh. Even was big on cliches, it seemed. They read on. 

Two aliens fled their home planet as it got destroyed and crash landed on another. The crash separated them and they had to find their way back to each other while they navigated the strange new planet. Isak was playing the role of ‘Explorer no.3’ on the second planet. The script turned out to be really good. Creative, weird and funny. Kind of like Even himself. 

Even himself appeared when they got to the last page. He motioned for them to keep going while he pulled up a chair. Looked at Isak, his brows raising in surprise. Smiled at him the way that made Isak’s gut flip. 

_Loser._

“What home? Our home is lost,” Susanne read as Alma the alien. 

“We can build a home anywhere,” Zehra read as Cree the alien. “As long as we’re together.” 

“That’s lame.” 

“It’s true.” 

“Cree takes Alma’s hands,” Mahdi read the script directions. 

“What do you say?” 

“Alma looks over the horizon, then back to Cree,” Mahdi read. “She smiles.” 

“You and me against the universe,” Susanne read. 

“They embrace. Camera zooms out and we see the explorers cheering metres away. Black.” 

Isak watched Even’s pleased expression while they read, giving life to his story. The way his eyes glistened with satisfied pride. Isak was glad he changed his mind about the film club. Only one read through, and he was eager to begin. 

“That was awesome,” Even said. 

“You didn’t hear all of it,” Susanne said shyly. 

“What I did hear was awesome.” 

“Think we’ll be ready to shoot in two weeks?” Sigrid asked. 

Even’s face lit up, excited. Isak liked that he could recognise it. “Absolutely.” 

The rest of the meeting time was filled with more planning and discussions around rehearsal and shooting locations. Isak stopped listening halfway through as the discussion broke off into several smaller ones. 

“Bored?” Isak didn’t notice Even moving beside him. 

“Not anymore.” 

Even responded with a small chuckle. “What did you think? Of the script?” 

“Meh.” Even gave him his ‘I am so very shocked’ face. Isak laughed at it. “It’s great. You’re really good.” 

Even smiled at him, poorly masking his smugness. “You’re gonna be great as Explorer no.3.” 

“I’ll give it my everything.” Isak said it in jest, but he also meant it. 

There was no better distraction for terrible shit than throwing himself into a personal project. 

*********

Fridays. 

The day everyone spent all week waiting for. Marking the end of the working/school week. Freeing up two whole days to dick around for those without commitments. There was always something special about Fridays. 

Especially this Friday. 

Mamma’s hugs had never felt so warm, so safe, so sad. Isak almost burst into tears when he saw her. Again when she pulled him into her arms. He was proud of himself for holding it in. Mamma didn’t need to see him cry. She had to believe he was okay. 

“My baby,” she said as she stroked his hair. 

She was making it harder to push away the sobs that desperately wanted to come out. Isak focused on the little brown bird that sat on her windowsill. Watched it tilt its head at them. He wondered if it was looking for something. Maybe someone. 

Mamma pulled back to look at Isak. “How’s school?” 

“Good,” Isak told her honestly. “I’m, um, I’m doing a short film with the film club after school.”

“That’s wonderful.”

Isak nodded. They sat on the green chairs at the end of the room. “Yeah, it’s fun. We’ve been rehearsing like every day after school.” 

“I hope I’m not keeping you from your friends.” 

“Most people were busy anyway,” Isak said. He looked at the bird on the windowsill again. It tapped its beak on the window. “Do you like it here?”

“Everyone’s nice enough,” mamma said. “Mostly.”

Isak raised a brow at her. “You haven’t made enemies already, have you?” 

Mamma laughed, a little too loudly. “Not enemies, but my roommate snores and there’s a lady called Margaret that steals all the napkins.” 

“How dare she.”

“Those napkins are for everyone!”

“I’m outraged.” 

They shared a laugh, even though Isak knew mamma was dead serious about this sneaky Margaret character. She hadn’t mentioned her in her texts, but Isak knew he could expect some from now on. It would be much more interesting than generic ‘how are you? Good, what about you?’ messages. 

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask, is Even really as tall as Mari says?” 

Isak thought of Even’s never ending legs, his long arms and giraffe neck. He should probably be all gangly and weird looking considering he was also skinny, but it suited him. “He’s about half a head taller than me. Maybe a little less.” 

“Gigantic, then,” mamma said. Isak smiled. “I wish I could’ve come with you and pappa last week.” 

“We’ll go when you come home.” 

“Mm. I can’t wait.” 

Neither could Isak. Living at a kollektiv was fun. But he really wanted his mother back home. He knew he couldn’t be selfish. This was what was best for her. For now. 

*********

The issue with keeping everything from Isak’s friends was when he really needed to talk, he had no one to go to. He’d almost told Jonas so many times. Stopped himself every time. He just couldn’t say it. If he said it out loud, it would make everything real. 

Today affirmed that it _was_ real. This really was happening. 

Isak didn’t know if he could keep it in anymore. He was tired of being so alone. 

“What’s up with you?” Magnus shouted over the music. 

“Not in the party mood,” Isak said, taking a gulp of his bear.

“He is.” Magnus pointed to Mahdi dancing and laughing with a tall girl across the room. 

Isak and Jonas shared a look. They could tell Magnus was holding in his envy. His wistful eyes gave him away. Jonas gave him a back pat. “You’ll find a girl who’ll want to dance with you one day.” 

“Who says I can’t tonight.” 

With that, he disappeared into the crowd of buzzed teenagers. Jonas plopped beside Isak on the couch. Looked at him, then out at the party. Isak pretended not to notice all this, watching people fall over each other while they tried to dance. Usually, he would laugh and joke about this with Jonas. Tonight didn’t feel like a joking kind of night. 

“You know,” Jonas began and Isak held his breath. “I feel like one of these days, I’m gonna have to accept that it’s really over with me and Eva.” 

_Oh._ Right, other people had issues going on. Isak kind of felt like a twat. He hadn’t brought it up after the night he took care of Jonas in his drunken despair. Listened to him rant about how he needed Eva even though he knew he shouldn’t and how he didn’t think he’d ever get over her. Offered some supportive hugs between holding a bucket for him and feeding him water. In the morning, he helped nurse Jonas’s hangover but they didn’t bring up the devastating things he said. Isak didn’t want him to be embarrassed. But maybe he was like him. Maybe he was bursting to talk about something he was trying so hard to keep in. 

“You really think it is?” Isak asked. 

Jonas nodded solemnly. It was a big change from his usual ‘we’re going to end up together’ attitude. “She’s got a thing for Noora, it’s so obvious. I just didn’t want to see it.” 

The girls were talking several metres away, standing close. No closer than good friends were, but Isak noticed a certain look in Eva’s eyes. That familiar gleam she used to look at Jonas with. There was a pink sheen on Noora’s cheeks. The same one she got whenever Eskild brought Eva up at home. 

“Shit.” 

“Yeah.” 

“What are you gonna do?”

Jonas finished his beer and set it on the end table beside him. “Get over it.” They sat in weighted silence. Then, Jonas said, “I just feel… stupid, you know? I was so pathetic for so long, like, it’s embarrassing.” 

“You are the least pathetic person I know.” 

“You took care of me when I got throw-up drunk.” 

“Statement still stands.” 

Their silence was lighter now. “I know I already told you a hundred times, but. Thank you for that.”

“Anytime.”

“I hope not.” 

They laughed. Isak bit his lip and stared at his almost empty beer. They always told each other everything. Jonas picked up that something was wrong. Maybe this was his way of coaxing it out of Isak. _Not everything is about you, fuckwit_ , he thought to himself. 

Isak sucked in a breath. “You know, uh. You know how I said I moved out because I wanted independence?” Jonas nodded. “There’s more to it.” Another breath. “Mamma hasn’t… been doing too good lately. And, um. She went to hospital.” 

Jonas bumped their shoulders. “That sucks.”

“Yeah. But it’s also for the best.” 

“I get that.” Jonas paused. “Where’s your dad?”

“He’s around,” Isak said with a shrug. He hadn’t given him much thought the past week. “I just can’t live with him, you know?” 

“Yeah, I know... How is she doing now?” 

Isak recalled the crying phone call he got the first night and how he almost went and got her. Their long, nice talk hours earlier. “She’s been pretty up and down. But she seems better lately.” 

“That’s good.” 

“Yeah, it is.” 

Tears stung his eyes. Panic rose from his gut. Isak quickly finished his beer, hopelessly hoping it would stop what was about to happen. He couldn’t break down now. Not in front of all these people. A girl passing by fell on top of Jonas with a “Wah!”, giving Isak time to make his escape. He leapt off the couch and darted to the door, weaving through sweaty bodies. Getting away before Jonas noticed he was gone. 

The cold night air was a relief. It was way too fucking hot inside. Isak greedily sucked in air, but it wasn’t enough. He clutched the short railing as he clumsily walked down the stairs. Fell to his knees on the grass. Gasped and grabbed at his chest as the painful sobs wracked through him. He tried climbing to his feet. Fell over and over. This was too much. 

A cool hand smoothed over his back. Someone sat beside him. “Isak.” 

_Even._

“I - I-” 

“Shh,” Even soothed. He rubbed his back in comfort. It felt safe. Isak clung to the sensation. Forgot no one was supposed to see him like this. “Let it out, babe.” 

The pain ceased when Isak stopped resisting the sobs. Released them instead of trapping them under all that weight. It was awful and freeing and Isak felt sick. Overwhelmed. He balled his hands into fists, gripping his thumbs to stay grounded. Focused on Even’s soothing hand. His calming presence. 

When the sobs partially subsided, he turned his body towards Even. Launched himself into his arms. Held him close and pressed his cheek onto Even’s shoulder. Even wrapped his arms around him instantly and rubbed both hands up Isak’s back while he cried softly. “I got you.” 

_Fuck._ He was sweet and devastating and Isak wanted more of it. Clung to him pathetically. It was a while before they pulled apart. 

Isak wiped his eyes, his nose. “Ew.” Even handed him a pink napkin. “You just had this on you?” 

“They’re inside,” Even said with a soft chuckle. His voice was so kind. He put a hand on Isak’s shoulder while he wiped his gross nose with the napkin. Moved it to his back again. 

Isak waited for him to ask. He didn’t. “You’re not going to ask?” 

“Do you want me to?”

Isak shook his head. _Well..._ Then shrugged. “It was about my mum,” he said in a small voice. 

“Is she okay? Are they treating her well?”

Isak looked at him. “You know?” 

“Yeah.” He ducked his head. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” 

They were quiet for a while. Isak couldn’t decide if it was nice or not. The party behind them sounded further away than it was. “The stars are pretty tonight,” Even said. 

Isak looked above. He considered making a joke about how girly that was, but decided against it. Didn’t want to ruin the moment. “Yeah.” 

“Come here.” Even scooted further away from the stairs and lay on his back. He looked at Isak expectantly. 

“Shit.” Isak followed suit, chuckling at how lame this was. He wiggled on the grass. “It’s itchy.” 

“Suck it up.” Isak poked his tongue out at him. “I saw that.” 

“I wanted you to.”

“Are you six years old?”

“No, I’m five.” 

Even sighed dramatically. “I’m _so_ happy I came out tonight.” 

Isak nudged his elbow with his. “So am I.” 

They shared a soft smile. Even pointed to the sky. “See that star right there?” Each one looked the same. “It’s called Acrux. It’s the brightest star in the Northern Hemisphere.” 

“Really?” 

“No,” Even laughed. “Acrux is in the Southern Hemisphere.” 

“So, what’s that star?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Puberty may have made Even look like _that_ , but it didn’t rid him of his weirdness. “You’re a dork.” 

“Will you still be my friend?” 

“What?” Isak laughed. 

Even pouted at him, making Isak squirm. “ _Please_ be my friend?” 

“Fine, if you’re that desperate.” 

Even laughed joyfully and in that moment, everything felt like it was going to be okay. When that feeling inevitably faded, at least Isak would have this. “Thanks,” he said. Even turned his head to look at him, but Isak kept his eyes on the sky. “I haven’t cried about… that yet, and. Thanks.” 

From the corner of his eye, Isak saw Even’s smile. He was tempted to get a proper glance. “I think she’s going to be okay,” Even said. 

Isak swallowed hard. “How do you know?” 

“She’s like me.” 

That convinced Isak to look at him. His eyes were dark. “How have you been?”

“Last year was rough,” Even admitted. “I went nuts, dropped out and ran away.” Isak made a sound and Even quirked a brow at him. “Does that make me sound like a bad boy?” 

“You?” Isak laughed. 

So did Even. “Alright, no.” He picked at the grass by his fingers. “I went away for a while. Got my shit together. Mum and dad were so fucking patient. And I’m doing a lot better now. I’m okay.” 

Isak gently poked at Even’s fingers with his own. “I’m glad you’re okay.” 

“So am I.” 

Even’s peaceful expression was a balm to Isak’s aches and pains. It wouldn’t last forever. Possibly not even for the next hour. While he was here, looking at him like this, Isak would enjoy it. He really was glad Even was okay. Grateful he was here. 

Time had made Even kinder. Isak figured he always was kind, he just didn’t always want to see it. Now, it was too grand to ignore. More than anything, Isak was glad Even came back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from my favourite Aunty Donna sketch.  
> Let me know what you think! Chapter 3 will be posted in 2 hours 
> 
> Come say hi to me on tumblr at [thegirlnooneknows5](http://thegirlnooneknows5.tumblr.com/)  
> My ask is always open and I am always lonely <3


	3. Always there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Warning for fluff! The boys are flirting :o-

Making a short film was more complicated than Isak thought. Either that, or he was working with a group full of annoying perfectionists. 

“No, no, it’s gotta be wider,” Sigrid argued. 

“And get the edges of the green screen? No,” Mikael said. 

“Can you two just make a fucking decision so we can get on with this shit,” Camille said. They were bickering for so long, Camille decided to lie on the floor, legs bent and arms spread. Isak didn’t know what she was so pissy about since her main job was costumes and makeup, and everyone was already all made up. 

The rest of them had to stand around in pants that chafed at the crouch while Sigrid and Mikael argued over who’s ego was bigger. They both had heads way too big for an amateur production. Isak swallowed down his laugh at the visual of Mikael and Sigrid as bobble heads. 

“What’s so amusing, young man?” Even asked, voice low. 

“They’re annoying.” 

“Would you like me to make an announcement?” 

“No, Eve-”

“You guys are annoying,” Even called over to them. 

The room erupted into laughter while Mikael and Sigrid flipped them all off. Isak rolled his eyes at Even. “So are you, you know.” 

“I cannot believe what I’m hearing.” 

“For real though, we need to make a decision,” Mahdi said, fiddling with the boom sock. He looked close to flinging himself out the window. Wouldn’t do much, since they were on ground floor. 

“It’s the last scene!” exclaimed Mikael. “We need to get it right.” 

“Why don’t you just shoot it both ways?” Isak suggested, empathising with Mahdi’s pained expression. 

Sigrid and Mikael looked at each other, eyes narrowed. “Won’t that be wasting time?” 

“We’ve already wasted loads of time today,” Even said. This wasn’t the first disagreement of the day. “Kind of like we’ve been stalling on purpose.” 

“Why would we stall on purpose?” Mikael asked, incredulous. 

Even shrugged casually. “Maybe because we don’t want it to be over.” 

Mikael and Sigrid redirected their squinted stares at him. “Dude, you are so lame.” They laughed together. 

“There. I got rid of the tension, didn’t I?” 

Mikael rolled his eyes with a smile. Isak knew that feeling well. “Alright, alright. We’ll shoot it both ways.” 

“And postpone this argument for the editing,” Mahdi said. 

“You’re hilarious.” Mikael clapped his hands together, re-energised. “Okay, everyone. Let’s get into positions.” 

The actors gladly jumped up and got into position on set, promptly followed by the crew. The set was a large green screen wall and floor with crater and sand dune props they made together. Altogether, they took days to make. Isak was quite proud he’d taken part in creating them even though they were only getting used for a small section. It felt like it had only been a week since they began shooting, not five full weeks after two weeks of rehearsal and design. And now here they were, on their very last shooting day. They’d filmed over fall break, on weekends and sometimes after school because Even was insistent on having it finished before December. Never told them why. 

It didn’t matter because Even was watching them film the last handful of shots with pride. The image made Isak’s stomach flutter. Even deserved to have his movie made. People were going to love it. 

They’d gotten closer over the course of the movie and Isak was so glad he decided to rejoin. He figured they may have become good friends anyway, but this way, they got to spend plenty of time together. Even was just as weird, unfunny, creative and sweet as he always was. He was smarter now, more dedicated and focused. The best parts of him had stayed the same, expanding on his younger self, and the rest combined to shape him into the most interesting person Isak had ever met. He guessed he always was. The only difference now was that Isak was willing to admit it. 

He couldn’t help wonder what growing up would have been like if he and Even were actually friends. Maybe they wouldn’t have lost touch. They probably were friends towards the end. Isak didn’t let himself think about it much back then. He was too insistent on Even being his arch-nemesis. So much so that he ignored all the wonderful things about him. 

Filming the last couple shots was simultaneously exciting and unbearable. Everyone worked in anticipation of the end. Sure, they’d miss it when it was over, but for now, they all wanted to get it done. Mikael bossed everyone around amidst offering encouraging words of praise. Working with him was annoying sometimes, but it was never boring. Sigrid followed his direction through eye rolls and scoffs and they managed to get in all the shots they both wanted ‘for safety’. 

Susanne and Zehra held their final embrace. Jonas, Magnus and Isak cheered out of shot. Mikael held it for an excruciating moment. Finally called, “Cut!” 

Even held the clapper up to the camera and completed their final slate. The second the clapper snapped, the small cast and crew broke into cheers. “We did it!” 

“Woohoo!” 

High fives, fist bumps and hugs were shared around the room. Isak stopped in front of Even, unsure what to do. Even pulled him into a hug, bouncing on his feet. “Feeling happy, huh?”

Even moved back. “You have no idea.” 

“It’s going to turn out amazing,” Isak told him earnestly. 

Before Even could respond, the crew swept him into a group hug that almost knocked him over with the force. They exchanged congratulations and joyful laughs. 

“Do you think Vilde’s into actor types?” Magnus asked right in Isak’s ear. 

He jumped. “When the fuck did you sneak up on me?” 

“Shit, she’s not, is she? I bet she likes skater guys.” Magnus gasped, eyes wide. “What if she likes Jonas?” He walked away mumbling to himself like an idiot. The guy clearly needed more sleep. Or a beer. 

Camille opened up the cooler she guarded all day to reveal a tub full of alcohol and soft drinks. “You are my favourite person in the world,” Mahdi told her. She gave everyone a curtsy and handed out beverages to everyone who wanted one. Or two or three. 

“Do you remember the first time you got drunk?” Isak asked Even. 

Even choked on his drink, taking a moment to settle. “When I came home and you guys were already there.”

“And you tried to act like everything was normal but you spewed on the floor.” 

Even raised a hand to his head and laughed. “Mum went ballistic after you left. Dad thought it was hilarious.” 

“Bet she loved that.” 

“That was our last family dinner together and you come in smelling like Barney from the Simpsons,” he said in a high pitched voice, poorly imitating his mother. 

Isak laughed so hard, he choked on his beer. Even waggled his eyebrows at him, as if to say, ‘payback’. _Asshole,_ Isak thought affectionately. “It was only like 21:00, how did you get so drunk?” 

“I was fifteen and I never had vodka before.” 

Dangerous stuff. Terrible decision. “You gotta stay away from vodka,” Isak said, cringing at his own memory of sickness. “That shit is a trick.” 

“I mean, all alcohol is bad,” Even said. 

“This is true.”

“But I like it in moderate amounts.” 

“Wait, are you supposed to be drinking with your medication?” 

Even’s eyes crinkled at him. Isak took another sip of his drink in hopes of masking his darkened cheeks. _Stop it, you loser._

“I can have one. Two if I drink slowly and space them out.” 

“What - sorry, I hope this is okay to ask.” Even nodded and Isak continued, “What happens if you drink too much?” 

“I get a fucked hangover and sometimes it can trigger an episode. Usually depressive.” 

Isak pulled his lips in, recalling the first and last time he saw Even in that state. He saw him when he was improving, Even later told him. That became more clear after Isak’s experiences with his mother. He knew bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder weren’t the same, but he’d understood mood episodes since before he really knew what they were. 

“Better stick to the rules.” 

“There are other ways to have fun, anyway.” 

“Like what?” 

Even winked at him. Badly. “Like talking to you.” 

Cheesy just got added to the many things Isak thought of Even Bech Næsheim. 

*********

“I can’t believe this!” 

Shouting carried from the living room. Isak turned his music up, tried to ignore it. It got louder until ignoring it was no longer an option. Isak set his laptop aside with a sigh. Whatever this was was probably more interesting than his homework, anyway. 

Isak entered the living room to see his roommates standing across from a guy that looked vaguely familiar. He spotted Isak and glared. “This is him, huh?”

“What’s going on?” Isak asked.

The guy scoffed, putting his hands on his hips. “I went away for two seconds and you went and _replaced_ me!” he said in despair. 

“You’re Rumen?” 

“At least you told him about me.” 

“Not really,” Linn said. “We barely talk about you.” 

“Barely talk about me,” Rumen cried. He plonked himself down on the beanbag closest to him. “Can’t count on anyone.”

Noora rolled her eyes at his dramatic display. “How many times do we have to tell you? We had to find someone else or we wouldn’t be able to make rent.”

“Which you so rudely skipped out on just before you left,” Eskild added. 

“I thought you of all people would understand,” Rumen said. 

Eskild laughed, but quickly cut himself off. “I’ve done a lot of stupid shit for love, but I’ve never left my friends in the dust like that.” 

It seemed there was more to kollektivet needing a new roommate than Isak thought. They really meant it when they said they were desperate. That could’ve been why Eskild was so insistent on throwing Isak a welcome party in thanks. Or he really wanted an excuse to get drunk and make out with his ex. 

“Aw, come on,” Rumen said, scrambling to climb out of the old beanbag. He stumbled a few times during the attempt. It was hard not to laugh. Isak didn’t think that would be particularly helpful. Rumen eventually made it to his feet. “I-” He interrupted himself with a burp. 

“You’re drunk,” Noora said unimpressed. 

“No,” Rumen said. Then burped. 

Isak let out a little snort before he could stop it, quickly covering it with a cough. Linn met his eyes, rolling her lips in to stop her own laugh. Eskild was much less subtle, starting off with a quiet giggle that gradually grew into a full laugh. There was no use holding it in if Eskild wasn’t even going to try, so Isak let himself laugh along with him. In joined Linn, then Rumen. Noora was harder to break, but Isak swore he saw a smile on her face. 

Rumen was the first to cease laughing. “Does this mean I can move back in?” 

“No,” Noora, Linn and Eskild said in unison. 

The way Rumen’s face fell like a child being told his dreams were being crushed tugged at Isak’s gut. He usually didn’t care about people he didn’t know, but he knew what it was like to feel desperate. To feel like he had nowhere to go. 

“Maybe he could sleep on the couch?” Isak suggested. His roommates looked at him, unimpressed. Isak shrugged. “He looked so sad.” 

Rumen piped up. “I’ll be really quiet!” He tripped over his own feet, sneakers skidding on the wooden floor while he got upright.

Linn and Noora looked at Isak like he was a dumbass. _He_ wasn’t the one wearing his old sneakers in the living room. “Are you gonna make him sleep on a park bench?” 

“Why do you only have a heart when it’s inconvenient to me?” Linn said. 

Isak flipped her off and pulled a face. Linn retaliated quickly, grabbing his finger and pulling it back. “Ow!” 

“That’s what you get.” 

Eskild pulled them apart and stood between them. “You two better stop fighting or I’ll turn this car around.” 

“You’re a weirdo,” Isak told him. Eskild did a little bow. 

“Weren’t we talking about me?” asked Rumen. 

“I was hoping they’d forget,” Linn said. 

He gave her what Isak guessed was supposed to be puppy eyes. His face scrunched up in the attempt. Linn was unaffected. 

Noora sighed, uncrossing her arms. “We could let him sleep on the couch until he finds somewhere permanent.” 

“No way, what if he tries to make the couch permanent?” 

“I won’t!” Rumen promised. “I’ll look for a new place every day.” Everyone else exchanged looks. Linn was the only one unconvinced. That prompted Rumen to try his scrunched up puppy dog face again. “Pleeeeaaaase.” 

They all stared at her expectantly. Linn rolled her eyes. “Fine but if you annoy me, you’re out.” 

“I don’t think that’s a fair bargain,” Isak said. 

“Bro, you met me like five minutes ago and you’re already making fun of me,” Rumen said. 

Eskild put his arm around him. “That’s how you become part of the family.” 

*********

Editing a film involved hours and hours of staring at a screen until your eyes and brain hurt. And a dozen or so arguments. According to Even, that was. 

“He won’t give up!” Even exclaimed, exasperated. Isak wished he didn’t find it as amusing as he did. “Literally no one else agrees with him, we all decided to go with the second shot and he _won’t_ let it go!” 

Isak nodded in understanding. He knew how overpowering Mikael could be when it came to his work. Only, it was _their_ work. That was the point of being in a film club; they were a group. “Just use the second shot. If that’s what everyone but him wants.” 

Even sighed and rubbed his eyes. “We’re supposed to be a team.” 

“Exactly. He needs to be a team player.” 

“He has been a bit tyrannical.” 

“A bit?” 

They laughed together. It was the first smile Isak managed to get out of Even since he got there. Even got up from his computer chair and sat next to Isak on his bed. Their knees touched. Isak tried to kill off the fluttering in his gut. _Fuck off._

“I’m lucky he even agreed to make my script.”

“It was awesome.”

Even smiled at him, eyes crinkling. “So you’ve told me. I just need to have this done by next Friday. Mum and Dad are out of town and the group wants to have a screening party.” 

“Ignore Mikael and do what you want to finish it, then.”

Even nodded, that mischievous gleam in his eyes. “We already let him get his way enough.” 

Took him long enough to figure that out. The film would turn out best if Even went with his gut. Not that Isak knew much about short films. He did know Even’s stories. All those funny little tidbits he’d share over dinner when they were kids. About star crossed lovers, infamous jewel thieves running around Paris, robots in a fighting ring. Isak always feigned indifference, but the last one was his favourite. 

“Hey, what happened with that robot fight club story you used to talk about?” 

“Robo-smack,” Even said with nostalgic amusement. 

Isak didn’t bother stopping himself from laughing. “That’s what you called it?” 

“I didn’t choose to be a genius, Isak, I was born this way.” 

“You were also born a dork.” 

“And you were born a meany.” 

Isak stared Even down to distract him from the pillow he threw at his face. Even yelped, then laughed and whacked him back with the pillow. 

“So what happened with robo-smack?” Isak asked after they settled down. 

Even held up a finger and got up to dig through his desk draw. He pulled out a thick binder and flicked to a page as he walked back to the bed. “Here it is. Davi-bot gets programmed by the evil nerds to fight his friend, Rick-bot and dies in his arms when he gets too damaged for the good nerds to repair him.” 

“That sucks!” 

“What happened to you thinking I’m a genius?”

“You called yourself that.”

Even raised an eyebrow at him. “How would you end it?” 

Thinking was not what Isak expected to be doing when he and his father came over that evening. Visiting the Bech Næsheims usually meant a night free of hard thinking. Isak side-eyed Even, hoping he was kidding. 

“I barely remember how the rest of the story went.”

“Make it up.” 

Isak laughed nervously. Why was he nervous? “I don’t know, uh…” he looked around the room for inspiration. Nothing. He was on his own. “Those evil nerds try to program Davi-bot to fight Rick-bot, but at the match, he turns on them and fights them instead.” Even gestured for Isak to go on. “And Rick-bot helps. So… the good nerds try to shut them down to stop them. But they escape and travel the world forever.” 

“I like that,” Even said. 

“Am I a genius too?”

“Maybe you are.” Even set the binder aside. “Maybe one day I’ll make you a movie.” 

That did something annoying to Isak’s heart. Kind of like everything Even did; Annoyed him. In a good way. 

“I hope you do.” 

*********

_The End_ , the screen said before going black. 

The clapping and cheering began as the lights were turned up. Magnus pushed Even on front of the screen during the applause. He motioned at the rest of the film club to get up with him and join in on the praise. The group climbed to their feet and hurried to share another group hug. 

“Speech,” someone called. There were about twenty other people crammed into Even’s living room, but Isak couldn’t tell who said it. “Speech!” 

“Thank you to everyone for coming tonight,” Even said as the noise died down. “It means a lot to us. We hope you enjoyed our project.” The small crowd responded with some whoops and cheers. “Cosmic Love is a special story to me and,” he looked at his friends beside him, “thank you so much for making it with me. It turned out better than I could've imagined.” 

“Everyone worked really hard,” Mikael added. “I hope you’re as proud of yourselves as I am of you.” At least he knew when to give credit where it was due. “I think we should get our actors up here because we wouldn’t have been able to do this without them.” 

_Fucking hell._

Jonas helped Isak up and they met the others in front of the screen. The small crowd erupted into applause again while the actors gave awkward little bows. Except Magnus, who basked in the attention. Isak and Jonas laughed at his poses. They agreed to hold off on the teasing for now. Let him have his night. 

The night moved on to eating, talking and dancing. As much as they could with thirty people in one living space. 

Isak spotted Even dancing towards him. It was no easy task. He had to move around people, significantly slowing down his movements. Isak laughed at his struggles. 

“Hey,” Even said nonchalantly when he finally reached him. 

“Weird running into you here.” 

“Was that one of my jokes?” As much as Isak wanted to deny it, Even was right. This was a travesty. Isak was becoming a dork too. “Don’t look so horrified,” Even laughed. 

“We spend too much time together.” 

Even leaned in closer. “I would say the opposite.” 

It was too hot in here. But Isak didn’t really want to be apart from him. “I… I need some air.” 

“Can I come with you?” 

“Yeah.” 

They weaved through the bodies together to reach the front door. The night was cold. Isak was glad Even convinced him to put his jacket on first. November nights could be the coldest. 

The guys were smoking out on the front porch with Camille and Sigrid. “I was like, why is there teeth?” Camille said. 

The group laughed. “Was he trying to kiss you or eat you,” Mahdi joked in his judgemental voice. Funny when he was talking about other people. Not so fun when it was directed at you. 

“Oh hey,” Jonas said, noticing Isak and Even by the door. 

He held out a joint for Isak, who got closer to take it. “You know when you walk into a conversation at the wrong moment.” He took a puff and passed the joint to Even. The cold overpowered the tingles when their fingers met. 

“Or the right one,” said Magnus, giving him a wink.

“We’re talking about our first kisses,” Camille said. “Mine was gross.”

“So I heard,” Even chuckled. 

“What was yours like?” she asked him. 

Even pursed his lips in thought. His nose had already gone red from the cold, his cheeks doing their best to catch up. “I was thirteen. Some of the kids in my class played spin the bottle at lunch this one time and I got Lars Wicker.” 

“A guy, huh?”

Isak hated himself for how that made his gut flip. 

“We were both shy, so it was only a little peck.” Even laughed to himself over the memory. “This girl Lexi kissed me all open mouthed later on.”

“How was that?” Sigrid asked. 

“Wet.” 

The group laughed some more. Magnus wrapped an arm around Isak, leaning too much of his weight on him. “What about you, Issy boy Tell us about your first kiss.” 

Isak stiffened. He was glad the cold could excuse his flushed face. How the hell was he supposed to talk about this with Even standing right beside him? Did he tell them how lovely it was, how it was the kiss that made him question everything to this day. It didn’t matter that he’d made out with other boys since. None of that meant anything. Isak still didn’t know who he was. And that all started with Even. He gulped. “Uh. I think I was twelve. I wanted to know what kissing was like, so they showed me.” The memory quickened the rise of heat in his face. “It was really…okay.” 

He met Even’s eyes. They were warm despite the night air. 

“That’s a cute story,” Camille whined. “Why couldn’t I have a cute story?”

“This is the problem with casting adults as teenagers on shows,” Sigrid said, snapping her fingers. “Fifteen year olds have expectations that everyone should be experts at kissing even if they have no experience because they see Jughead and Betty getting freaky in bed with roleplay and shit like it's no big deal.” 

“Ah yes, all the problems in the world are caused by Riverdale,” Jonas said. 

“I mean, are we supposed to believe it’s just a coincidence that shit started getting worse in the world when that show started getting made?”

“Are you high or something?” Isak asked. 

She accepted a joint handed to her from Mahdi and took a drag. “Yes.” 

They laughed and Isak didn’t mind that he made an idiot of himself. All in the name of fun. And weed. 

The party went on late. People eventually decided to get home away from the cold that drifted in every time someone came through the front door before or after a smoke. Even made sure everyone left rugged up in the coats and scarfs they came with and fared them well. 

Isak didn’t want to go just yet. “I can, um, help you clean up?” 

“I’d like that.”

They made idle chatter while they covered the remaining food and stored it away. Then gathered the dirty plates and empty cups around the house. Brought everything to the kitchen. Packed everything they could fit into the dishwasher. Rid the house of all the garbage they could find. Even decided he would vacuum the floors and clean the surfaces the next day. Technically today, as it was past midnight. 

When everything that could be done was finished, they leaned against the kitchen counter beside each other. “Thanks for the help,” Even said, voice soft. “You didn't have to.”

“Figured you could use the help.” 

“Yeah.” He looked at his sock covered feet with a small smile, then looked back up at Isak. “Did you mean it earlier?”

“What?”

“You said your first kiss was okay. Did you mean it?” 

_Fuck._ Isak gulped, trying to keep his cool. Even was standing so close to him. Looking right at him with those _blue_ eyes of his. “Yeah, I guess. It was okay.” 

“Just okay?” 

“It was...nice?” 

Even laughed and turned his body to face Isak. “Okay. Nice.” He shrugged. “We can do better than that, don’t you think?” 

_Oh._

“I’ve been told by many people that I’m a good kisser and I can’t have you thinking otherwise.” 

Isak faced Even. The action brought them close together. Isak noticed the slight height advantage Even had on him, looking up into his eyes. His heart thumped like a drum against his chest. _Do something._ Taking a deciding breath, he said, “Prove it.” 

Even got closer again, eyes latched onto Isak’s. He brought both hands up to Isak’s face. _Oh my God._ Isak held Even’s waist, waiting for him to kiss him already. Even leaned in slowly, placing his lips over his. It started off gentle. Isak wanted more. So he pressed harder and opened his mouth, hoping Even would follow. He did, deepening their kiss just right. _Oh my God._

They kissed and kissed and Isak never wanted it to end. It did end. Even pulled back just enough so as to keep him in his arms. Isak made a small noise in complaint. He wanted more kisses, dammit. Even smiled and asked, “Was that just okay?”

The drumming of Isak’s heart calmed to a sweet flutter. He tilted his head, pretending to think. It was so much more than okay. But he couldn’t quite be sure. “Mm. Can we try again?” 

He kissed away Even’s answering smile. Wrapped his arms around him, pulled him closer. Opened his mouth, glided his tongue across his. Relished the sound the movement pulled from Even. He had to agree. More so when Even did _that_ with his tongue. 

The need for air is what broke them apart this time. They breathed heavily in each other’s arms. Laughing joyfully. Even rested his forehead against Isak’s. Brushed their noses together. “Stay with me tonight,” he said softly. He felt Isak tense under his hands and added, “We don’t have to do anything, I just. I don’t want you to go.”

The fluttering in Isak’s heart intensified. He pulled back to look into Even’s eyes. “Neither do I.” 

Even smiled at him and placed one more peck to his lips before disentangling their arms. He took Isak’s hand in his and led him to his room. Dug through his draws to find some old clothes for them to wear to bed. Tossed some sweat pants and a t-shirt with Jesus on it at Isak. 

“Where did you get this?” Isak asked, laughing at the shirt. 

“I think I accidentally stole it from a friend.” 

“So you’re a thief?” Isak gave Even a wink when he looked at him over his shoulder. “A bad boy?”

“Are you into that?” 

Isak shrugged honestly, though Even was no longer looking at him. He didn’t know what he was into. The question plagued him any time he flirted with someone, kissed them, held them to him. It should be simple. Holding a boy made him feel more than holding a girl, but it wasn’t as if girls made him feel nothing at all. Or did they? Every question, every second guess left Isak more confused than he was before. 

“Hey.” Even was standing in front of him again. He caressed his face. “We don’t have to figure anything out tonight.”

“Can we just be together?” 

Even smiled in that gentle way of his. “We can do that.” 

Deep into the night, they held each other close under Even’s mountain of blankets. Isak had never felt so warm. So safe. Nothing was certain but Even’s presence beside him. For hours, they talked quietly between kisses. There was one thing Isak wanted to know most. 

“What did you think when you first saw me in the cafeteria?” 

“I thought fuck he’s hot.” They laughed. “No, but, really. I kept hoping I’d see you again for two whole weeks and then, there you were.”

“Did you see me _before_ that day in the cafeteria?” 

Even nodded, keeping the movement small. “I saw you on the first day of school.” 

“Whoa.” 

That confession. Even’s touch. His soft breathing. Isak was lulled to sleep by the sweetest sensations. 

*********

The memories of whispering and of soft kisses and caresses woke Isak from his dreamless sleep. He was so warm. So soft. He- 

_Where am I?_

Isak looked over to see Even beside him, sleeping soundly. His heart fluttered but his gut lurched. Those whispers and kisses came from him. Of course. Isak rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He released a slow breath. What the fuck got into him? He wasn’t drunk last night. A little high, but it pretty much wore off by the time they… when they…

“Shit.”

Isak rubbed his eyes. What had he done? Last night was wonderful but it was going to change everything. Force Isak to seek answers for all those scary, confusing questions. He wasn’t ready. Was he?

Even looked so lovely beside him. He was beautiful and cuddly and so very kind to wrap him in warmth last night. Isak wanted to stay. Looking at Even almost convinced him. But. 

What if last night was just a fluke? What if it meant nothing to Even? What if Even didn’t feel the same way? Isak wasn’t entirely sure what he himself felt. Around Even, he was joyful and understood and safe. His heart told him all sorts of things he didn’t know how to interpret. His kiss made everything fall apart and into place. Merely looking at him filled him with warmth... and fear. 

Even Bech Næsheim was many things. One of those being confusing. He rolled over in his sleep, prompting Isak to climb out of bed. Away from his intoxicating warmth. Isak dressed quietly, returning Even’s clothes to the draw they came from. Even’s scent remained on him. 

Isak shivered, resisting his longing to return to bed and kiss Even awake. He had to go home. Needed to think. Alone. 

*********

> **Even:** had an early day?
> 
> you should’ve woken me up, i wanted to say goodbye
> 
> thanks for helping last night :)
> 
> what are you up to? 

Isak stared at the unanswered messages spread out over several hours. He tried to answer many times. Went on ignoring them. Felt like an asshole. 

Maybe last night did mean as much to Even as it did to Isak. Maybe he was being an idiot. If that’s all it was about. 

What the fuck was Isak supposed to do? He wanted to talk to Even. To see him again. But he didn’t know what to say, what to do. What if Even wanted to kiss him again? That would only confuse Isak more. Truthfully, he’d wanted this for a long time and now that it had happened, he was a mess. 

His phone buzzed again. 

> **Prick:** Yesterday afternoon was nice. I’m glad we saw her together this time :)
> 
> **Isak:** me too

Things had been getting better with mamma and pappa. Mamma was much more lively. She was scheduled to come home soon. And pappa had given him space as promised, only asking him to come to dinner at the Bech Næsheim’s once a month like old times. Isak decided to give him a break and respond to his messages, even initiating a few. He’d kept his contact the same in his phone for a laugh, but it was time to change it **.**

**Change ‘Prick’ to ‘pappa’?**

Isak selected ‘okay’. Released a breath. Everything would be okay. 

He thought of Even again and his shoulders slumped. Would it? 

Isak made his way into the living room. Rumen’s stuff was strewn about, but he was nowhere to be seen. Linn would be pissed if she walked into this. Would it be better to clean it up to avoid an outburst, or leave it to see what will happen? 

“Oh, you’re back,” Eskild said. Isak jumped and turned to face him. Eskild was holding a cup of coffee and a tea biscuit, clearly having emerged from the kitchen. “Sorry,” he laughed. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“You always scare me.”

Eskild winked and dunked the biscuit into his coffee. “Had a late night did you?” he said with a mouthful of biscuit. 

“I guess.”

“So Even’s party was good?” 

That annoying knowing smirk branded his annoying face. As much as Isak didn’t want to admit it, Eskild was knowledgeable about many things. Maybe he could offer a few answers. Isak sat down on the couch with a weary sigh. 

Eskild took the bait and sat beside him. “Is something going on?”

Isak picked at his nails, unable to look him the eyes while he said this. He’d never told anyone anything like this. Not even Jonas. “Me and Even, we… we hooked up.” 

“Oh?” 

“And I - I don’t know what to do about it.” 

Eskild finished his coffee-coated biscuit while he took in Isak’s admission. The room was quiet all but for his munching. He finally swallowed. “Do you have feelings for him?”

Isak thought of Even- his eyes, his smile, his laugh, his lame jokes, his talents, his kindness. Each of these things returned the fluttering in Isak’s heart. It spread throughout his body. “I think - yeah, I do.” 

Eskild smiled at him. Panic joined the fluttering when he realised he’d actually said it out loud to someone else. “That’s wonderful, Isak.” 

“I guess, but. It doesn’t mean I’m gay or anything.” 

“It doesn’t have to mean anything else. Just that you like Even,” Eskild said. 

That didn’t do much to calm Isak’s nerves. Someone knew. Someone knew that Isak liked a boy. “It’s not that I have anything against gays or anything,” Isak added. “I’m just not like you, that’s all.”

Eskild cut his sip short and lowered his coffee. “What do you mean ‘like me’?”

“You know, like, all out and proud and everything.” Isak’s nerves grew and he rambled on. “How you’re always talking about sucking dick and wearing sequins and stuff. Like, that’s cool, it’s really cool, it’s just not me.”

“Is that what you think being gay means?”

“No, no, I don’t,” Isak said with a forced laugh. “Like, I totally get guys wanting to go full out with the whole gay pride thing.”

“I’m not trying to go ‘full out with the gay pride thing’, Isak, I’m being myself,” Eskild said. 

_Shit, shit, shit._

Everything Isak said made it worse. He didn’t know what to do. If he left it like this, Eskild would think he was an asshole, but if he opened his mouth again, he’d make it worse. “I-I get that, it’s not my thing, is all.” 

Eskild rose from the couch. “Okay, you clearly have some things you need to learn and some shit you have to figure out, because there is more than just gay and straight, and being gay isn’t about talking about sucking dick and wearing glittery clothes. It’s about who you are and who you love. People didn’t fight and die for our rights just to wear sequins, Isak. That’s not what pride means.” 

“I didn’t mean-” 

“I know you didn’t mean any harm, because you’re not an asshole, Isak. You’re just lost.” Eskild sighed. “There’s nothing wrong with liking boys, okay? There’s nothing wrong with you.” He took his coffee down the hall, likely towards his room. 

They couldn’t leave it like this. “Eskild, I-” 

“I need to be alone for a bit, okay? We’ll talk later.” 

_Later._

Isak stared at the black television screen. His murky reflection stared back. Phone in hand. Isak was glad he lived in a time where information was at the tip of his fingers. He opened up google and began a search. 

*********

The entire weekend was spent shut away from the outside world. Isak read and watched info on queer history, terminology and issues all Saturday through Sunday. He read himself to sleep. Resumed his spot when he woke. 

Isak didn’t know why he’d never done this before. The most he’d ever done was scour question forums about why kissing boys felt different and how did someone know they were gay. Isak probably knew who he was all along. He was too confused and afraid to see it. Of course he liked boys. He always had. It explained almost everything. Almost. 

Isak still wasn’t quite sure if he was 100% homosexual. All the blogs and chat forums said it was okay not to know. That questioning was valid too. There was no rush. Not even when there was someone waiting on him. 

Even’s messages went on unanswered. Eventually, they stopped coming. It seemed Even had read Isak’s unsaid message. Only, it wasn’t the message Isak wanted to send. He wanted to tell him he only needed time. As the hours passed, it felt too late to say anything at all. If he ever was ready, Isak would have to give one hell of an apology. 

Monday came and Isak went to school with nerves bubbling. He’d avoided his roommates and his friend all weekend and he wasn’t sure how they’d react. All he knew was that he needed to talk. Maybe he was more ready than he thought.

Lunch arrived and Isak made his way to the cafeteria. The guys were sitting at their usual table, talking and laughing like every other day. Isak took a deep breath and joined them. 

“Hey,” Jonas greeted. The others followed his greeting. 

“What happened to you?” Mahdi asked. “You didn’t answer the group chat all weekend.” 

Isak shrugged, nerves swelling his gut. He felt like he might be sick. Or faint. “I had stuff I had to figure out.” 

“Everything okay?”

“I don’t really know.” 

His friends set their food down and looked at him. “What’s going on, bro?” Magnus asked. 

Isak gulped, his ears ringing ever so slightly. He could do this. Seventeen years of silence and shame was enough for him. “After the party, I… I kissed Even.”

“Like… a friend kiss, or?” 

“No,” Isak said. “Not a friend kiss.” 

The guys nodded, taking the information in. “What does it mean? For the two of you?” Mahdi asked. 

Isak shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said helplessly. “I freaked out and avoided him all weekend. I think I fucked it up.”

“Well, do you want to, like, be with him?” Jonas asked. 

“I think so.” He put his head on his arms atop the table. “Fuck.”

A comforting hand touched his shoulder. “It’s okay to be scared, man.” 

“Yeah, you’ve never had a relationship before, have you?” Mahdi asked. Isak shook his head, still resting on his arms. 

“Wait a sec, does this mean you’re gay?” Magnus asked. Their friends shushed him, 

Isak raised his head. “I’m not gay.” He winched, recalling everything he read over the weekend. “Well, maybe I’m a little gay, but I don’t know what to do.” 

“Talk to him?” Mahdi suggested. 

Once again, Even walked by them right then. He looked at Isak, then quickly averted his eyes and hurried away with his head down. Isak’s heart sank. Even was probably hurt, embarrassed, rejected. All because Isak was a jerk. 

“Ouch.” Magnus said. Mahdi flicked his ear. “Ouch!” 

“Maybe you could talk to him after school?” Jonas suggested, sounding like he already knew the idea was a bust. 

Despite his strong desire to, Isak wasn’t yet ready to face him. Besides, Even looked like if Isak tried to talk to him right now, he’d run the other way. “I feel like I have to make it up to him somehow.” Some kind of romantic gesture to go along with an apology, maybe? A plan that would give him time. 

“Do you think more space would piss him off even more?” asked Magnus

“Dude, he looked like he wanted to disappear just now,” Mahdi said. 

Isak hated that he made Even feel like shit. After he’d shown him such care. He didn’t deserve him. Isak groaned, sinking down in his chair. “Maybe I should just leave him alone.” 

“No, man, you guys are perfect for each other,” Jonas said. The guys looked at him. “I’ve known you two for ages and you’re great together.” 

“I didn’t even know I liked him for sure until now.” 

“You do now.” 

It was hard to argue with the truth. Isak rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “What if he never wants to talk to me again?”

“It’s not like you guys never had a fight before.” 

Isak huffed a laugh. He supposed Even had always been special to him. He’d always cared for him. It took this long to recognise the fluttering for what it was. 

*********

Isak saw Even when he was heading home the next day. Walking towards the gate with his long legs and his green jacket and his red beanie. He was beautiful. Always was. 

Every part of him was beautiful. It had only been four days since they last spoke and Isak already missed him so much. He missed his smiles, his hugs, his stories. Isak wanted to hear more of the stories he’d missed in their four years apart. If they were as ridiculous as robo-smack. 

_“Maybe one day I’ll make you a movie.”_

That was it! A movie. Isak could make Even a movie. 

If he had any idea how. 

*********

Isak took a deep breath. Pressed the buzzer. Waited. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, dad. Can I come up?”

“Hey! Yeah! Come right up.” 

Isak rode the elevator with an old lady and her bulldog, both who smelled like grass. The lady smiled at him as he got off. He tried to smile back, but it probably came out more like a weird grimace.

Pappa answered after the first knock, as if he was standing right behind the door. “Isak,” he greeted enthusiastically. He stepped aside for Isak to enter. 

“Hi.” Isak looked around his apartment. He hadn’t been here in over a year. It was a little smaller than his and mamma’s, but the finishes were much nicer. Paper work was strewn across the dining table. “Did I interrupt your work?”

“I don’t have to finish it for another week,” pappa said. “Do you want something to drink or eat?” 

“I’m good.” 

“Good, good.” 

They looked at each other. Said nothing. When the awkward atmosphere became too much to handle, Isak let out a small chuckle. His father did the same. The mood lightened and they both relaxed. 

“I, uh, I actually came to see if you had any old videos of me and Even when we were kids?” 

Pappa looked surprised for half a second before shaking it off. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do.” He walked past the kitchen, motioning for Isak to follow him to his room. Pappa talked while he rummaged through his desk drawer. “Your mother thought it’d be a good idea to transfer all our camera stuff onto some hard drives.” He pulled a red hard drive out of the drawer and smiled. “Guess she was right.” 

“Guess so.” 

Pappa handed the hard drive to Isak and pulled his lips in. “Don’t rush going through it. Just bring it back whenever you’re finished.” He shook his head and laughed awkwardly. “Or you can keep it. There's a whole lot of fun old memories on there.” 

Isak subconsciously mimicked his father’s expression while he looked at him. He seemed lonely. Isak didn’t have anywhere to be tonight. “Do you still remember how to make stir fry?” 

That uncomfortable expression transformed into a more hopeful one. “Yeah. I even have some chicken breasts in the fridge I could cut up.” 

“I don’t have any dinner plans, so.” Isak shrugged, acting nonchalant. 

Pappa’s face lit up brighter than Isak had ever seen. 

They cooked side by side, talking about school and work. Simple, harmless things to start. The conversation moved on to some of those fun memories on the hard drive as they cleared the table of pappa’s work and set it for dinner. 

“She was so mad about those curtains,” Isak laughed. 

“I’ll never forget the look on her face,” pappa said, trying and failing to hold in his own laughter. His laugh softened to a small smile. “She’s excited to come home.” 

“Yeah.” Isak shoved some food into his mouth so he didn’t have to say anything for a while. It was decent. 

Pappa gestured to his own plate while he chewed. “Not bad, huh?” 

“Mm.”

“Have you thought about, uh. Are you still going to be staying at Linn’s?” 

Isak had thought about this extensively. Late at night when he couldn’t sleep. Early in the morning while he brushed his teeth. Time and time again throughout the days as her release got closer. Isak had come to love living at kollektivet. The independence, the shenanigans, Noora occasionally cooking for them, Linn roasting him daily. Though, Rumen was having no success securing a new place and it was his home first. And Isak would worry about mamma being all on her own. 

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m still deciding.” 

Pappa nodded and ate some more. “Well, you know whatever you decide to do, mamma and I will support you.” 

_Fuck me._ Isak set his fork down. Failed to swallow down his shame and guilt. He was such a selfish asshole. A whiny little brat. “I’m sorry, dad.”

“For what?”

“For being a shithead.”

“You’re not a shithead. Hey, where is this coming from?”

Isak rubbed at his eyes with his index finger and thumb. He didn’t know if he was getting a headache or if the shame was that great. “This whole time, I only thought about myself. Fuck.”

Pappa set his own fork down and reached across the table, though they were too far apart for them to touch. “You’ve been through a lot, I understand. Give yourself a break. No one thinks you’re a shithead, Isak.” 

“Not just lately,” Isak said. “For years.” Ever since pappa left and didn’t come back. Not for good. 

Pappa sighed and rubbed his own eyes the same way. “Isak, you don’t have to be sorry for that. I haven’t always been the best dad, I know that. I was too hard on you growing up. Expected too much. Didn’t connect enough.” Every word hit. “That’s actually the reason I’ve been so annoying the last three years. I guess I was trying to make up for all that and… overcompensate.” 

“Yeah, well I haven’t made it easy.” 

“You’re my son,” pappa said with warmth. Isak felt it. “You’re allowed to resent me. I’ve never resented you.” 

Isak gave him a small smile. It was the best he could manage, but it was genuine. “Even if I’m a shithead?” 

They laughed together like they never had before. 

“Even if you’re a shithead.” 

*********

Two bodies leaned over Isak's shoulder. Breathing down his neck. Several more people were playing a rowdy game of FIFA on the PlayStation down the hall. Isak was close to losing it, but reminded himself the two getting way too far into his personal space were here to help. It was Friday and Isak was almost finished with his little movie. 

“No, take it back a millisecond. There! Got it.” 

Isak raised a brow at Mikael. “A millisecond?” 

“Every bit counts.” 

Mahdi pointed at the screen. “Oh, you should add that clip of you pushing him into the pool after that.” 

Isak followed every suggestion and direction Mikael and Mahdi gave. He just wanted to get this done. By now, he was dying to see Even. One week was too long without talking to him. Although, it did give him time to get more comfortable with himself. He regretted he couldn’t apologize properly to Eskild before his Copenhagen trip. Isak had a lot to make up for. Probably got that from his dad. 

“Holy shit, I think we’re done,” Mahdi said when Isak finished trimming the music. It was a stupid Gabrielle song about a bird or something that Even often sang between setups on set. Isak couldn’t stand it, but Even would love it. Right? 

He sat back in his chair, staring at his screen with wide eyes. “Really?”

They looked at Mikael for his hard-won approval. “I think we are.” 

Isak pressed ‘export’ and they shared some high fives around. They helped him upload it to YouTube when it was ready. Isak watched the progress while his heart thudded. This was it. 

“Thanks for your help,” he said sincerely. 

“Oh, no problem,” Mikael said like it was no big deal when he knew it was very much a big deal. 

“Any time,” Mahdi said. He gave Isak a back pat. “Hey, it’s done.” 

It was done. The video was uploaded. “Fuck.” They watched it through once to ensure it worked. “Fuck.” It worked. 

Mikael and Mahdi cheered like idiots, getting the other’s attention. Jonas, Magnus and Linn burst into the room excitedly. “What’s happening in here?” Magnus asked. 

“We finished,” Isak said in disbelief. He had everything he needed. It was time. _Fuck, fuck, fuckity fucking fuck._

“Ohh, let’s watch, let’s watch.” 

His friends crowded around the laptop screen and Isak moved around them to sit on his bed. He pulled up his chat with Even. Stared at it, fingers poised above the keyboard. Unmoving. 

From the laughter going on behind him, Isak guessed they’d moved on to other videos. Jonas sat beside him. “Going alright?” 

“I think.” Isak raised his phone. “Trying to figure out what to say.” 

“You’re overthinking it.” 

“How do you know?”

“Same way you know when I’m pretending to be fine when I’m not.” 

They’d been best friends since they were kids. Isak hoped Jonas would be his best friend until they were fat old men. If he was extra lucky, with Even by his side. 

> **Isak:** I know ‘I’m sorry’ doesnt cut it but im sorry
> 
> you said you would make me a movie one day
> 
> so i beat you to it 
> 
> [Link to ‘The dorkiest boy in the world’] 
> 
> <3 

Isak stared at the message he typed out. Hovered his shaky thumb over it. Hit send. “Oh, fuck.” He stood. “Fuck.” 

“What?” 

“I sent it.”

“Hey, good for you, man,” Mahdi said. Everyone else offered their congratulations and approval. 

Jonas frowned at Isak. “Are you freaking out?” 

“Kind of.” 

“It’s gonna work out. For sure it will.” 

Isak turned to him, a realisation striking. “I have to go over there. I need to talk to him.” 

“Go get your boy.” 

Isak grabbed a jacket, then another and bundled up in a hurry. “Wish me luck.” He dashed out the door while his friends called their well wishes after him. 

The tram ride was unbearable. Isak fiddled with his sleeves, bounced his leg. He watched his video again to make sure he didn’t fuck it up somehow. There was nothing he could do if he did. The video was a mix of footage from Isak and Even when they were kids, and videos of them together over the last several months. Mostly Even. It ended with a clip of Isak speaking to the camera. “Even, you always see the beauty in everything. Well. I wanted to show you the beauty in you. Because you deserve to see it. See yourself the way everyone else does. This friendly, passionate, generous, awesome guy. You’re extraordinary.”

Isak cringed at his own words. He couldn’t believe how cheesy he sounded. That was the kind of crap Even was into, wasn’t it? Big romantic speeches. _Shit!_ Isak’s stop was here and he still hadn’t worked out what to say when he saw Even. He didn’t even know if he was home. _I’m an idiot._

If Even wasn't home, he could always have a chat with his parents. Mari and Jan always had something interesting to talk about. While Isak was distracted with his thinking, he arrived. _Fuck._ He walked up the short steps. Stopped at the door. Took a deep breath. Knocked. 

The door opened an indeterminate amount of time later. It felt like forever, but it was probably only a couple of seconds. Even let out a heavy breath when he saw him. Was that bad or good? “Hey.” 

“Hey.” 

Even raised his phone in his hand., “I watched your video.” 

“What did you think?” 

“What editing program did you use?”

“Um. Sony Vegas something.” 

Even nodded and slipped his phone into his pocket. “It was good.” 

They stood in front of each other, waiting. Isak couldn’t stand it. “I’m sorry I snuck off like that. I’m sorry I ignored you.” 

Even nodded again. Isak thought he saw a hint of a smile. “I’m scared too, you know. About us. Changing things.” How did he always know? 

“This whole week, I’ve been trying to work out who I am.” Isak already hated himself for what he was about to say, but it was for Even. “The only thing I know for sure is that I want to be with you.” 

“Why?” 

Isak stepped closer to him. “Because I meant what I said in your movie.” He brushed Even’s fingers with his, watching their hands. “You’re special. You make me feel like _I’m_ special.” Isak looked up at Even. His eyes looked extra blue today. “And there’s a good chance I’m falling in love with you.” 

And there it was. Even’s beautiful smile. Isak missed him so much. He took his hands. “I am too,” Even confessed. His voice was soft like his hands, his eyes. 

Even brought one hand up to hold Isak’s face. Isak brought his free hand to the back of Even’s neck. They moved closer, meeting in the middle for a kiss. Isak melted into it. If Even wasn’t holding him, he’d probably sink to the ground. Or float away. His heart was full, yet light. 

They kissed and kissed, and Isak hoped he’d get to do this every day. For the rest of forever. 

Even gently broke their kiss, giving Isak’s nose an Eskimo kiss. It got a smile out of them both. “We should talk more,” Even said. “Lay everything out.” 

If that meant Isak would get to spend more time with Even, he was all for it. And they really did need to talk more. “Yeah.” 

Even bit his lip. “My parents are home and I don’t really want to be dodging their questions.” 

Isak whipped out his phone and brought up the group chat titled ‘Le Boys’. 

> **Isak:** r u guys still at mine?
> 
> **Jonas:** do you need us to vacate? 
> 
> **Isak:** if you wouldn’t mind
> 
> **Jonas:** done
> 
> **Mahdi:** happy for u, bro
> 
> **Magnus:** yeah get it!! 

Isak stifled his laugh and met Even’s eyes. “We can go to my place?”

Even placed a happy peck on Isak’s lips. “One sec.” He hurried back inside and returned wearing a puffy jacket, with his keys, his wallet and his toothbrush. Isak laughed as Even stuffed everything into his pockets. The very last thing he did was lock the door. “Let’s go.” 

The journey home was much shorter with Even accompanying him. Holding his hand. He loved that he got to hold his hand. Their faces were pink from the cold by the time they got up into kollektivet. Isak listened closely. The laughter and chatter from before was gone. Isak pulled Even into another kiss before taking him to his room. 

They got comfortable on the bed. Held hands. Stroked the back of each other’s palms with their fingers. “Okay, so,” Even began, “Are we boyfriends?” 

Hitting with the hard questions right at the start. It was better to get that one out of the way early. “I want to be.”

“Me too.” 

Isak’s heart soared as they smiled at each other affectionately. “Good, We’re boyfriends. Do we tell people?” 

“I’m fine with that.” 

“The guys pretty much know already. You can tell your friends, too. I just - don’t think I’m ready to be out to the whole school. Whatever that even means.” 

“We’ll go at your pace, okay?” 

“I don’t want to be unfair to you.” 

Even placed his other hand on top of their joined hands. “It’s not unfair. You don’t have to come out to anyone until you’re ready.” 

“Fuck.”

“What?”

Isak placed his other hand on the back of Even’s neck. Played with his hair. “You always say things that - I really like you.” 

Even laughed. “I hope you do.” They kissed. Wrapped their arms around each other. Moved around to lie down. Even stopped it before they got too carried away. He caressed Isak’s chin with his thumb. “Whenever we get scared or unsure, let’s talk about it, okay?” 

“No more running away,” Isak agreed. Something mamma shared with him the last time they spoke came to mind. “Why don’t we take things minute by minute?” 

“We can do that. If.” Even raised his brows, holding the suspense. “We can use this minute to kiss.” 

Isak responded by kissing him first. He loved Even’s lips on him. His hands. His taste. Isak broke the kiss this time. “Are you scared right now?” 

“Not when I’m with you.” 

Isak rolled his eyes and smiled. “Ugh, you’re so lame.” Even’s only response was a beautiful laugh. That continuous fluttering thrived on it. Isak ran his fingers through Even’s hair. Soft. “Do you wanna know what I thought when I saw you the first time in the cafeteria?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I thought you were beautiful.” 

They fell asleep in each other's arms, amidst kisses and smiles. When Even woke, Isak was still there beside him. 

*********

A kiss to his nose. A kiss to his temple. A kiss to his forehead. A kiss on his lips. Isak Valtersen was being spoiled with kisses. How could he complain? 

“Your breath stinks,” Even said. 

“Fuck off,” Isak laughed. “Yours is worse.” 

“Guess you can’t kiss me, then.” 

_Fuck that._ Isak gave Even a long open-mouthed kiss to prove the opposite. Morning breath could suck it. 

“I thought it would feel weirder,” Even said once Isak set him free. He was still cuddled up to him. 

“Kissing me?” 

“Yeah, and just… being together.” Even gently traced Isak’s eyebrow with his thumb. “We grew up together. I’ve known you my whole life. And now you’re with me.” 

Isak planted a kiss on Even’s chin. “We grew up and got hot.” 

Even laughed and hugged Isak to him. “Yeah we did.” 

They spent the morning much like they spent last night. Cuddling, talking, joking. Lots of kissing. Isak had never felt so taken care of. He adored every passing moment. He adored Even. 

“Thank you,” he said after a while. “For giving me another chance.” 

Even brought their foreheads together. “Minute by minute.” 

To thank Even for being an angel, Isak forced himself out of bed to make them some toast and hot chocolate. Eskild was digging through the fridge when Isak entered the kitchen. “Morning.” 

“You’re back.” 

Eskild closed the fridge, happily holding a multi-berry yogurt in his hand. “I am. Anything exciting happen while I was gone?” 

“Kind of, yeah.” Eskild quirked a brow at him. “Me and Even got together.” 

“Aw, that’s so exciting,” Eskild said while grabbing a spoon. He tore open his yogurt and began demolishing it. “I’m happy for you.”

Isak couldn’t help his smile. “Yeah.” He took a breath. “Listen, Eskild, I’m sorry about saying that shitty stuff. It wasn’t cool.” 

Eskild set his yogurt on the counter and placed a hand on Isak’s shoulder. “Thanks, babe. I have no doubt you’ll become sure of yourself.” 

“I’ve been reading up lots on queer issues.” 

“That’s really great, Isak.” 

Even emerged from the bedroom looking all cute and sunshiny. Isak wanted to crawl all over him some more. First, food. “I was getting worried.” 

Eskild turned to him with a ginormous grin. “Morning, Even.” 

“Hey, Eskild,” Even said, genuinely pleased to see him. It was little things like that he did that made people feel like they were important. Isak _really_ wanted to hold him again. “How’ve you been?” 

“Fantastic.” 

“That’s fantastic.” 

They laughed because they were lame. Isak laughed because he was whipped. “I’ve been hearing a lot about you.”

“Oh really?” 

Isak grabbed Even’s hand and pulled him to him. “Don’t listen to a word he says.” 

Eskild picked his yogurt back up. Popped another mouthful in. Gulped it down. “While I love to crash a good party, I’ll leave you two love birds alone.” He waggled his eyebrows at them as he backed out of the room. 

Isak and Even laughed at him. Isak liked that. Thinking of them as a pair. _Isak and Even._

*********

The day Isak had been anxiously awaiting for months was finally here. Mamma was coming home. 

She ran over to him with arms open the same way she used to when she picked five year old Isak up from school. They flew into each other’s arms. As if they hadn’t been together in a century. Mamma laughed joyfully into Isak’s chest. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” 

They parted and mamma cupped his cheek with one hand. “Thank you for being patient with me.” 

Isak resisted the urge to argue she had nothing to thank him for. It was all her. He quickly decided it was better to let it go. Let them have a nice, easy day. He would let her have all the time she needed to herself from now on, so long as she was safe. “Always.” 

Mamma turned to pappa. “Aw.” She pulled him in for a hug he happily reciprocated. Isak couldn’t really understand how they could be this close with each other after everything they’d been through, but he accepted it. In their own dysfunctional way, they were a family. 

The car ride home was lively, full of more tales of shenanigans and antics that went on with the other patients. Isak didn’t have the heart to tell mamma she’d already told him one of the stories. Lucky for him, it was a funny one. Isak shook his head while she told them all about Ethel and her shower hogging habit. 

“Here we are,” pappa said, pulling into the parking lot. 

“Ooh,” mamma enthused. She hopped out the moment pappa parked in their spot. 

Isak and pappa laughed at her eagerness. They grabbed her bags and made their way up to their apartment. Home. 

Mamma put her hand over Isak’s when he took the keys out of his pocket. “Can I do it?” 

“Yeah.” 

She unlocked the door, beaming with excitement. “I missed being able to do that. Isn’t that silly? Using a set of keys.” She laughed. 

Isak rubbed her back as they headed inside, lugging her bags with them. “It’s not silly.” 

They headed through the freshly cleaned apartment. Isak, pappa and the Bech Næsheims had spent the last day and a half getting everything ready for mamma’s return. No one had been inside for months and it needed a good clean. 

“This place looks good,” mamma said appreciatively. 

Even looked up from his spot on the couch. He smiled and got to his feet. “Hello.” Isak’s heart melted. 

“Even!” mamma said. She walked around their old arm chair to give him a hug. “How lovely to see you.” They swayed together for a bit before letting go. “Everyone was right, you’ve gotten so tall!”

“I’m home grown,” Even joked. He gave Isak a wink because he knew he was going to make fun of him for that little quip later on. 

It made mamma laugh, he had to give him that. No matter how terrible the joke was. “You’re just as charming as ever.” 

“Tell your son that for me, he’s under the impression that I’m a dork. “

Isak rolled his eyes and got closer to him. He put his arm around him, stopping himself from smothering his boyfriend with kisses. His parents didn’t know yet and he didn’t think they’d want to find out by watching their kid makeout with a guy right in front of them. There was a much simpler way to go about this. Without making a big deal of it. 

“Who says you can’t be both?” Isak teased affectionately. “My charming dork.” They smiled at each other, holding their gaze for longer than was usual for two people who were just friends. 

He snuck a peak at his parents, who were sharing a look. Isak couldn’t tell what was going on in their silent conversation. All he could get was that they didn’t seem surprised. Was that… good? They weren’t saying anything. _Shit._ Isak didn’t know what he should do. Even smoothed his hand over his back in support. 

“Well, we’re glad you’re here,” pappa finally said. “Both of you.” 

Isak looked between both of his parents as they smiled softly. Mamma took his hand. “We really are.” Isak smiled, blinking away the tears that stung his eyes. No crying today. It was a good day. 

The moment was interrupted by Even’s stomach growl. Everyone laughed. “About time for lunch?” Even said hopefully. 

“Why don’t we order some pizzas while I unpack?” mamma suggested. She picked her bags off the floor and headed for her room while pappa got the order started on his phone. 

Isak untangled himself from Even and followed her. “Let me help.” 

“Oh, sweetheart, you don’t have to do that.” She dragged the larger bag into the room and let it fall to the floor with a thump. “Oof!”

“You sure about that?” Isak laughed. She poked her tongue out at him. “Did you learn that on the inside?” 

“Mm hm. Your old mum got real tough in there.” 

She had always been tough. One of the toughest people Isak knew. He told her. She smiled at him, looking peaceful and Isak knew where he belonged. Everything would be okay. “I’m glad to be home.” 

“So am I.”

Isak was home. 

*********

Kollektivet took the news hard. At least, Isak liked to imagine they did. In truth, they were sad to see him go, but understanding of his circumstances. He had their support, even if Linn’s was given begrudgingly. 

Rumen was another story. He jumped around and cheered as if Isak told him he won the lottery. Then he pulled his unimpressed roommates into a group hug that squished them together. 

To show their appreciation for Isak and also to have another excuse for a party, they threw him a ‘farewell and fuck you for abandoning us’ party. Eskild made the sign himself, decorating it with pink glitter. He gave Isak a wink while he hung it up in the living room. 

Rumen annoyed everyone all night, but he made up for it by buying several cases of beer. That wasn’t much good to Linn, who didn’t drink. So he bought her three boxes of her favourite cookies, which she graciously accepted. A peace offering. 

Their little apartment was full of people, only some of which Isak knew. He thought the point of throwing someone a party was inviting all their friends. Not that he minded. After everything his soon-to-be former roommates had done for him, Isak wanted them all to have the night of their lives. 

“Tonight’s the night, I can feel it,” Magnus said. He wiped some salsa off his t-shirt with a corn chip and popped it into his mouth. “I’m gonna make my move on Vilde.”

“Haven’t you already made a move on her?” Mahdi asked. “Like twice?”

“Didn’t count.” He audibly swallowed the chip. “Tonight, it’s gonna happen.”

“Ever thought that maybe she’s not interested?” Isak asked. 

Magnus narrowed his eyes at his friends. “Why don’t you guys ever support me?” 

“Dude, Vilde’s a lesbian,” Chris said, downing the rest of her beer. 

Magnus choked on another chip. Mahdi patted his back as he coughed. “What?” 

“Yeah, didn’t you know? It’s not a secret. She’s dating that first year, Emma.” She pointed to the couple dancing across the room. Looking happy and in love. 

Isak and Mahdi snickered, while Magnus watched his dreams get crushed. They were terrible friends. “I’ll never find anyone. I’m gonna be alone forever.” 

“Come on, you’ll find someone for sure,” Jonas said. “You barely even knew Vilde, anyway.” 

Even made his way over to them while Chris disappeared. It was like she appeared only to give them that news and ran off into the night. Isak admired her mischief. He smiled like a dork as Even got close. He couldn’t help it. Even put his arm around him. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Magnus didn’t look anywhere near as happy as he usually was when Even was around. “Great, cute couples everywhere to remind me how fucking lonely I am.” He swung around, smacking right into a girl Isak recognised from biology class. Her necklace said ‘Amber’. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, are you okay?” Magnus stood back to look at her, checking for injuries or mess. A small splotch of salsa was on her pink top. “Oh, shit, I ruined your shirt.” 

Amber looked down at the stain. “Oh no, that was me,” she said, laughing. “I’m a huge clutz, but I love salsa, so oops.” She laughed again, cheeks darkening. 

“I love salsa too.” 

The rest of the guys looked at each other, nodding at the pair with a smirk each. 

“Cool. Um.” She gestured back to the kitchen, blinking at him shyly. “Maybe we could go get some more?” 

“Yeah!” Magnus said overenthusiastically. Isak snorted at him. “Yeah. I’d love to.” He left happily without saying goodbye to his friends. 

“Took him, what? Two seconds to bounce back?” Mahdi laughed. 

Jonas huffed out a skeptical laugh. “That’s his superpower.” 

Noora and Eva were dancing together near Vilde and Emma. She was a private girl, but sneaking around with a girlfriend only worked for so long when she lived with people as nosy as Eskild and Rumen. Isak never mentioned it was official to Jonas, but he seemed to know. 

Isak met his eyes and mouthed ‘you okay?’ 

Jonas nodded, looking to the girls, then back at him with a smile. ‘I’m good’, he mouthed back. Isak believed him. Everything would be okay. 

The night went on without too many mishaps. Magnus and Amber were hogging up the bathroom to makeout, pissing everyone off until Linn kicked them out. Neither one of them was sad to leave. Eskild made out with a new, nicer guy instead of his ex. Linn and Rumen actually got along. Kind of. 

Isak was in such a good mood that he agreed to let Even and Eva play a few Gabrielle songs. He regretted it the instant _5 fine frøkner_ played. He was very ungracious about it. Grumbled and complained until Even took his hand. 

“Dance with me.” 

“Ugh.” 

Isak was a sucker for Even holding him close. Looking at him like that. Years ago, he never would’ve imagined they’d end up like this. That he’d be this happy. That Even, of all people, would be part of that. His favourite person in the world. They’d only been together for a couple weeks and Isak never wanted to be with anyone else. 

Mark his words, Isak Valtersen was never going to let Even Bech Næsheim go. 

**2017**

Love. 

Romantic, terrifying, mortifying, ridiculous, wonderful. A gentle balm over life’s pains. The entire history of humanity has been obsessed with love, love, love. 

Especially Even Bech Næsheim. 

When he thought about it, he’d always loved Isak. Perhaps not always in the way that was expected, but it was always there. Right from the beginning. Even couldn’t remember a time when Isak wasn’t special to him. There was no defining realisation that they were in love. Only an acknowledgment of the feelings they allowed to grow. Even was so fortunate Isak wanted to nurture them together. To love him. 

_Fuck_ , Even loved him. He’d been in love before. It was nice while it lasted. But it wasn’t like this. 

They were walking along the harbour promenade, hand in hand. Even loved holding Isak’s hand. His warm calloused fingers soothing his own dry, cold fingers. Fitting perfectly together. 

Even loved the way Isak walked, whether he set a slow, lazy pace, or took large strides. The way his shoulders moved with each step. How he swung their hands between them. Used his thumb to caress Even’s index finger. The tingles it left behind. 

He loved the way Isak looked around, taking in his surroundings. How he squinted in the early Spring light. Watched the boats on the harbour with his beautiful green eyes. No one should have eyes that gorgeous, it shouldn’t be allowed. He got lost every time he looked at Isak for too long. Even was a romantic. An artist, a storyteller. Isak was the most beautiful thing he had the pleasure of looking at. Speaking to, listening to. And he loved him. 

The way he’d roll his eyes then smile at all his cheesy lines and jokes. How loving and helpful he was when he thought no one noticed. How much he cared about his friends, his family, him. Those interesting tangents and rants he went on about relative theory and things Even didn’t quite understand. 

The one thing he did understand was that Isak made him happy. 

“Even?”

“Hm?” 

He loved his voice, too. His deep, yet still youthful tone. 

Isak took a breath like he did when he was preparing himself for something important. Even squeezed his hand. “I’m gay.”

“I hope so.” 

Isak laughed and Even loved that as well. “No, like.” He looked down. Even loved his eyelashes. “I’ve never said it out loud before, so.” He returned his gaze to him. “I’m gay.” 

“That’s so fucking hot.”

“Shut up,” Isak laughed. 

_My baby._

Even brought his free hand to his face. Smiled at him as kindly as he could. Isak was so strong. “I’m proud of you.”

Isak placed his hand over Even’s on his face. “I’m proud of you too.” A simple sentence that meant everything in the world.

That was only one small fragment of the lifelong love between Isak and Even. 

**The End**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, there we have it! SKAM Big Bang 2020 completed! Check out the other stories and art works too!   
> Make sure you give some love to my wonderful artist [Kim](https://www.instagram.com/kkhymmmm/?hl=en). Thank you so much for your lovely drawings <3 
> 
> Comments are much appreciated, but what I really need everyone to do is have a nice day :) 
> 
> Come say hi to me on tumblr at [thegirlnooneknows5](http://thegirlnooneknows5.tumblr.com/)  
> My ask is always open and I am always lonely <3


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